Some people are scared of small talk. Maybe there are some fears around sharing the wrong thing or just not having anything interesting to say. Others find the whole thing frustratingly silly and a bit boring. And still some are shy and would rather not risk an uncomfortable situation all together.
At one time or another, everyone will find themselves at a work event, birthday celebration, parent-teacher night, holiday party, or some other basic social gathering. Some casual conversation with unknown and unfamiliar people will definitely be a possibility and, in some cases, completely unavoidable.
Mental health experts suggest for those individuals that find small talk a bit much and just too uncomfortable, to try using the "FORD method." This simple acronym offers up four basic topics to easily work into any conversation.
TV show Law & Order.media.giphy.com
According to Nicole Arzt, M.S., L.M.F.T at SocialSelf, "FORD" stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
Let's break it down:
Family
Functional or dysfunctional, large or small, most everyone has some version of a family. For this reason, it's a great way for connecting with other people. Chatting about families offers a way for everyone to share a little about their personal lives and establish some common ground. Here are some simple questions suggested by Arzt:
Do you have any siblings?
How did you two meet? (if you are meeting a couple for the first time)
How old is your child?
How is your____ (sister, brother, mother, etc.) doing since ____ (event that happened?)
Occupation
Most everyone has at least had a job at one time. Insights into what people do to pay the bills can be fascinating. Also, those people without jobs can open up some compelling conversations too. Some pertinent questions include:
What do you do for a living?
How do you like working at _____?
What’s your favorite part of your job?
What made you interested in becoming a _____?
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Recreation
Who doesn't love a little free time? Learning about other people's unique interests gives a great way into some good banter. In some instances you might find familiar hobbies and likes that can spark up a deeper conversation. Questions can be as simple as:
What do you like to do for fun?
Have you watched (or read) ______(popular show/book)?
What are you up to this weekend?
Dreams
Learning about another person's passions or hopes for the future speaks volumes about who they are and the person they want to be. Someone tell you, "I have a family and a job," and you think, Yeah, that's cool. Now imagine they say, "I want to be an astronaut or win the Tour de France..." now that's unexpected. Suddenly, you want to know more and a conversation is born. Try some of these questions to get the story rolling:
Where do you hope to be working in the next few years?
Where would you like to travel?
What’s something you’d like to try in the future?
Would you ever consider trying _____ (particular hobby or activity)?
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Arzt suggests the importance of having a mutual conversation. That means not just listening to what the other person says, but also sharing about yourself as well. This is where practice can take someone to the next level as a small talk artist. Finding connection and linking ideas stimulates deeper, more compelling, and more meaningful conversations, a real heart-to-heart exchange that can be enjoyed by all. “Pay attention to someone else's answers and think about how you can draw from your own experience to connect," she wrote.
For those wondering about the how much to say verses how much to listen, the question can be answered by the following rule: 43:57. An AI program analyzed over 25,000 sales calls and measured the perfect speaking to listening ratio. According to Gong.io, when the salesperson was talking 43% of the time and listening the remaining 57%, sales were significantly better.
Although this study comes from business calls, the information is applicable for more traditional settings too. Learning how to be a better listener and creating an environment where people can feel special and understood is how small talk can actually feel good.
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You may have missed the actual meaning behind these 5 popular songs.
'Every breath you ...' what? 5 classic songs where people totally missed the meaning
I’ve never been a "lyrics guy"—as long as the words sound pleasing to the ear, are relatively interesting, and aren’t evil or distractingly dumb, I don’t care all that much what the singer is going on about. I’m focused on the dynamics, the color of the arrangements, the rhythms, and harmonies. It’s only natural that I’d misinterpret some songs over the years, including ones that I’ve heard a thousand times while walking around malls and supermarkets.
I know I’m not alone. And I’d argue there are plenty of factors behind this phenomenon: Some people take lyrics too literally, while others only focus on hooky choruses and fail to notice nuance in the verses. Context can also blind us—if the music is danceable and upbeat, you might fail to catch darker elements in the words. Still, it can be hilarious and/or shocking when hugely popular tunes are misinterpreted on a mass scale.
Speaking of which: Let’s consult a viral Reddit thread titled "Any songs that are (or were) misunderstood by the public?" There's a mountain of suggestions—everything from '90s Latin-pop hits to '80s heartland-rock epics. But five of them felt especially perfect, so let’s dig a little deeper below.
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The Police - "Every Breath You Take" (1983)
As someone argues in the comments, "Pointing out the real meaning behind 'Every Breath You Take' has to have become so commonplace that it can't really be misunderstood anymore." Point taken. But still…this eerie Police track continues to be used in pop culture and everyday life as a signifier of romance—appearing as the soundtrack to TV slow dances and being arranged for weddings by string quartets. It’s easy to assume, at first glance anyway, that the song's protagonist is pledging their devotion—sticking around for "every breath" their partner takes. Instead, the atmosphere is more disturbing, given the whole "I’ll be watching you" thing. "I didn't realize at the time [I wrote it] how sinister it is," Sting told The Independent in 1993. "I think I was thinking of Big Brother, surveillance, and control."
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Bruce Springsteen - "Born in the U.S.A." (1984)
"Born in the U.S.A." is one of Bruce Springsteen's signature songs—but also likely his most misinterpreted. As an official explainer video notes, the words "center around America's industrial decline and loss of innocence during the Vietnam War"—a message that became somewhat diluted as politicians began using the stadium-sized track for their campaigns. "Conservative commenters praised the song, and it earned the approval of both candidates in the 1984 presidential election," the clip's narrator adds. "Despite being adopted as a patriotic anthem, 'Born in the U.S.A.' is far from nationalistic." In a deep-dive piece, NPR quotes Springsteen talking about the song on stage: "'After it came out, I read all over the place that nobody knew what it was about,' he said before performing 'Born in the U.S.A' to a crowd in 1995. 'I'm sure that everybody here tonight understood it."
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Los Del Rio - "Macarena" (Bayside Boys remix) (1995)
Most Americans probably know the bubbly Bayside Boys remix of Los Del Rio's Spanish-language hit—it became the marquee moment of many a mid-'90s wedding reception and middle-school dance, thanks to its once-ubiquitous choreography. Maybe it's because people were too distracted by remembering the dance moves, but lots of us didn’t notice the lyrics. Of course, the chorus is in Spanish, which could have been a barrier for some, but the remix features English lines like the following: "Now don't you worry about my boyfriend / The boy whose name is Vitorino / Ha! I don't want him, can't stand him / He was no good so I, ha ha ha / Now come on, what was I supposed to do? / He was out of town, and his two friends were so fine."
"My little teenage mind was blown when I learned 'Macarena' was about cheating on a boyfriend with his friends," one Redditor wrote. "[Thank you] for the correction, it was 2 friends! Was sleep deprived writing this. I just did the moves, never questioned the lyrics." Yeah, gotta admit—this legitimately never crossed my mind either. Same with some of the people who took part in a reaction video for Distracify: "It’s definitely about dancing," one person said, before learning the truth. Another added, "I have no idea what it’s about still to this day. Please tell me it’s not something really dark."
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Baha Men - "Who Let the Dogs Out" (2000)
The party was nice. The party was pumpin'.' Until, that is, some "flea-infested mongrels" got involved. Back in 2000, you couldn't escape Baha Men's booming cover of "Who Let the Dogs Out"—it became a staple of sporting events everywhere, a kind of bookend for the Jock Jams era. "I know I definitely misunderstood 'Who Let the Dogs Out' to be about actual dogs," one Redditor wrote, likely speaking for most of the listening public. There's probably a good chance most of those people chanting the chorus weren't thinking about the song's real meaning, crafted by Trinidadian artist Anslem Douglas for his 1998 original. But if you pay attention to the lyrics, "Who Let the Dogs Out" has a feminist theme, telling the story of women who stand up against crass catcalling. "This is going to be a revenge song where a woman tells men, 'Get away from me—you're a dog,'" Douglas told Vice in a 2021 video history of the track. "[Offensive] slang was everywhere. It was just degrading women and calling them all sorts of derogatory names. I tried to do a social commentary as a party song, but the party song overshadowed the social commentary aspect of it."
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Hozier - "Take Me to Church" (2013)
One section of the Reddit thread is devoted to songs interpreted as pro-religion, when the truth is... well, more complicated. "'Take Me to Church' by Hozier is often used by Churches for things, and I’m like 'Oh, that’s not…,'" wrote one user. The bluesy, slow-burning ballad may use religious imagery. Still, it's about something more human—"[It's] this idea that powerful organizations use people’s sexuality in order to mobilize people against women, against gay people," the Irish songwriter told Genius in 2023. "And the justification behind that is often religious in nature." Hozier even isolated one particular lyric that highlights this misconception: "'She tells me, ‘Worship in the bedroom' [is] something tongue-and-cheek, a bit of humor to it, also revealing that this is not necessarily a traditional worship song," he said. "I think I still see my name put into playlists for Christian music, and I’m not averse to that—I don’t think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive. But that line I would’ve thought would’ve disqualified it from something like that."