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Tom Brady’s College Resume Peers Into A Bizarre World Where He’s Not ‘Tom Brady: Star QB’

Given Brady’s stardom, this resume, made in 1999, is completely surreal.

No one in NFL history has so accurately embodied the stereotype of the “successful quarterback” the way the Patriots’ Tom Brady has. At 39 years old, he’s appeared in six Super Bowls, winning four, and looks like he could very well be on pace to appear in number seven this season.

He’s got that all-American look that quarterbacks are supposed to have, and he’s married to a supermodel, another thing quarterbacks are supposed to do.


Twitter

So it’s a little odd to see this 1999 resume that Brady himself posted on Facebook, showcasing the future icon’s non-football skills in preparation for a life outside the pro game.

Although I say it’s odd, make no mistake – taking measures to prepare for a life outside the game, at any age isn’t just admirable, it’s crucial. The average NFL career is just over two seasons, and not much was expected of Brady when he was selected in the sixth round of the draft. It seems weird in hindsight, but preparing a resume going into your Senior year of college, even if you’re a football prospect, is just good sense.

That said, this resume serves as a chilling reminder that, somewhere, in a parallel universe, Tom Brady ISN’T an NFL QB.

Let’s look at the resume, as posted on his Facebook wall:

Facebook

I have to say, for a college kid that’s a pretty great resume. It shows he had a summer job every year since high school (even though I’m suspect of what a “summer” job entails for Michigan’s starting QB), and it seems like he took on more and more responsibility every year.

Also, he’s got the format down pretty well, using parallel construction to describe the tasks associated with each job. I doubt he did this without, but what 20-year-old is putting together their resume without help?

It’s looking like Young Tom Brady was preparing himself for a career in brokerage services or private wealth management in the absence of an NFL career. That’s logical. Lots of athletes find themselves in that arena after their pro or college careers end.

But what else do we know about the life of Bizarro Tom Brady? Is he divorced? Does he own a boat? Does follow Gisele’s illustrious career, painfully unaware of what might have been but will now never be? Is this Tom Brady emboldened enough with his low-key career to still pull off Uggs?

Man-buns?

Is he a supporter of Donald Trump even though, in this reality, there’s no chance they’d ever be “friends?”

Something tells me, regardless of what the answers to those questions are, Tom Brady’s pretty cool with the way things have gone for him so far and isn’t troubled by too much regret these days.

Yeah. He’s doin’ ok.

Sports
via The Howard Stern Show / YouTube

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Coconut bowls


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Why spend time looking around for an outlet when you can just harness the power of the sun? This solar powered phone charger will make sure your phone never dies as long as you can bask in the sun's rays. As an added bonus, this charger was made using eco-friendly silicone rubber. It's win-win all around.

Dizaul Solar Charger, 5000mAh Portable Solar Power Bank, $19.95; at Amazon, $19.95; at Amazon

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Planter Pro

Put some green in your life with this herb planter. The kit comes with everything you need to get a garden growing, including a moisture meter that helps you determine if your herbs are getting the right amount of food to flourish. All the seeds included are certified to be non-GMO and non-hybrids, meaning you can have fresh, organic herbs right at your fingertips.

Planter Pro's Herb Garden Cedar Planter, $39.00; at Amazonedar Planter, $39.00; at Amazon

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K & J

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Speakman

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Zomchi

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