During my final year of college, I received a letter stating I had a GPA in the top five percent of my class. That was enough, the letter said, to qualify me to write a valedictorian speech for my graduation. A panel of professors would pick the speech that best represented the spirit of our university, and that person would be crowned the valedictorian.
Of course, I never wrote a speech; five-hundred words on why I’m inspired to set the world aflame felt like too big of an ask in my final semester of college. I imagine many of my classmates felt the same. Ultimately, they picked an aspiring pharmacist who was looking forward to changing the world via prescription medication.
So, despite not being the valedictorian—either in high school or college—I turned out just fine. So did the students with 4.3 GPAs and students with 3.4s. The rankings, as it turned out, didn’t seem to make much of a difference post-academia. Those anecdotal findings have recently been substantiated by a book published this past May titled, Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is Mostly Wrong. Drawing from both 20-year-old studies and modern findings, author and science blogger Eric Barker confirms what many of us have known all along: Graduating at the top of your class doesn’t have much bearing on future success.
According to a 1995 study included in the book, in which Boston College researchers followed 81 valedictorians for 14 years post-graduation, the top-tier students did well (as expected), but none of them achieved groundbreaking notoriety. While most became professionals in their chosen fields, less than half reached the highest possible tier after 14 years of work. And a total of zero produced disruptive innovations. As Barker writes, “We’re all told mom wants us to be a valedictorian and to study so hard. And they do well, very well. But oddly enough, they don’t reach the same heights of success after school.”
More than 20 years later, these findings seem to hold up. By Barker’s estimation, valedictorians “don’t go on to reinvent the system or lead it. Instead, they’re part of it.” And it makes sense why this would be the case. Unless you’re in an experimental arts or STEM program, most schools value well-rounded generalists who play by the rules. Also, when you’re looking to change the status quo, Barker writes, failure is implicit. And as any competitor aiming for the highest score knows, there’s no room for failure.
On the bright side, life doesn’t operate that way. As Barker argues, you can bounce back from a professional failure and most will remember the triumphant success—not a mediocre average of the two. As a reformed perfectionist, I can attest to that fact.
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Grieving couple comforting each other
This response to someone grieving a friend might be the best internet comment ever
When someone is hit with the sudden loss of a friend or loved one, words rarely feel like enough. Yet, more than a decade ago, a wise Redditor named GSnow shared thoughts so profound they still bring comfort to grieving hearts today.
Originally posted around 2011, the now-famous reply was rediscovered when Upvoted, an official Reddit publication, featured it again to remind everyone of its enduring truth. It began as a simple plea for help: “My friend just died. I don't know what to do.”
What followed was a piece of writing that many consider one of the internet’s best comments of all time. It remains shared across social media, grief forums, and personal messages to this day because its honesty and metaphor speak to the raw reality of loss and the slow, irregular path toward healing.
Below is GSnow’s full reply, unchanged, in all its gentle, wave-crashing beauty:
Why this advice still matters
Mental health professionals and grief counselors often describe bereavement in stages or phases, but GSnow’s “wave theory” gives an image more relatable for many. Rather than a linear process, grief surges and retreats—sometimes triggered by a song, a place, or a simple morning cup of coffee.
In recent years, this metaphor has found renewed relevance. Communities on Reddit, TikTok, and grief support groups frequently reshare it to help explain the unpredictable nature of mourning.
Many readers say this analogy helps them feel less alone, giving them permission to ride each wave of grief rather than fight it.
Finding comfort in shared wisdom
Since this comment first surfaced, countless people have posted their own stories underneath it, thanking GSnow and passing the words to others facing fresh heartbreak. It’s proof that sometimes, the internet can feel like a global support group—strangers linked by shared loss and hope.
For those searching for more support today, organizations like The Dougy Center, GriefShare, and local bereavement groups offer compassionate resources. If you or someone you know is struggling with intense grief, please reach out to mental health professionals who can help navigate these deep waters.
When grief comes crashing like the ocean, remember these words—and hang on. There is life between the waves.
This article originally appeared four years ago.