Jolly Good! Rich Brits Get To Dine On Super Rare Truffles Thanks To Record Hot Temps

Climate change creeps up on the 1% and makes their lives even better than before.

The glaciers are melting. The oceans are bleaching. Entire nations are in danger of being wiped off the face of the Earth. But climate change isn’t all bad news: Soon U.K. elites will be able to dine on locally sourced $2,000 mushrooms!

For the first time in recorded history, rare black Périgord truffles are growing as far north as Wales, where temperatures were once too mild to cultivate the ultra-luxe ‘shrooms, thanks to the terrifyingly rapid warming of the planet.

“This is one of the best-flavoured truffle species in the world and the potential for industry is huge,” Paul Thomas of truffle-cultivation firm Mycorrhizal Systems Ltd. said in a press release. The U.K.’s first Périgord was found growing in the roots of a specially treated Mediterranean oak tree, sniffed out by a specially-trained dog, and made possible by the relentless, human-catalyzed global temperature spike that threatens human civilization as we know it.

The best day for billionaires since all the other days. Photo by Philippe Desmazes/Getty Images.

The expansion of the luxurious fungus’ range is only the latest perk to emerge from the rolling worldwide climate catastrophe in which millions of human beings have been displaced from their homes, with millions more likely to be displaced in the future. Unfortunately for wealthy Mediterraneans, truffle growth has slowed significantly in the that region — its traditional habitat — as the result of persistent drought, also brought on by climate change.

[quote position="full" is_quote="true"]This is one of the best-flavoured truffle species in the world and the potential for industry is huge.[/quote]

Mycorrhizal Systems, in conjunction with local farmers, cultivated the 16-gram mushroom over a period of nine years. Future truffles will be distributed to restaurants in the U.K. to feed the ultra-wealthy, whose profligate private jet travel dumps millions of tons of carbon into the atmosphere annually, helping the process along.

And, like eliminating the estate tax, the researchers believe the benefits could trickle down to the rest of the natural world.

“While truffles are a very valuable crop, together with their host trees, they are also a beneficial component for conservation and biodiversity,” Thomas said.

Who knows how else we can use the extravagant garnishes to help preserve our planet? Perhaps re-burying them to fertilize the old-growth forests fighting a losing battle to keep last few bits of Earth’s carbon trapped underground? Or by using them to plug holes in rupturing levees? Or perhaps simply as a dollar-per-calorie source of nutrition for those in need?

With food supplies dwindling around the globe, especially in already impoverished regions, it’s not a moment too soon. The masses can enjoy them warm, paired with a fine chevre, for the low low price of a hundred bucks or so.

Let them eat truffles!


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