GOOD

Kanye West’s Poem About McDonald’s Fries Is A Dark, Twisted Fantasy

What’s going on here?

Image via Flickr

It’s no secret that Kanye West enjoys his Mickey D’s—few other rappers have incorporated the words “fish filet” into a verse so smoothly—but this weekend, he fully admitted to his fast food obsession.


If you weren’t hiding under a rock, you probably caught wind of Frank new album “Blonde,” which dropped on Saturday. However, you might not have realized that Ocean released a zine on Saturday called “Boys Don’t Cry,” which features an absolutely bonkers ode to McDonald’s French fries written by none other than Kanye West.

It goes like this:

McDonalds Man McDonalds Man
The french fries had a plan
The french fries had a plan
The salad bar and the ketchup made a band
Cus the french fries had a plan
The french fries had a plan

McDonalds Man
McDonalds
I know them french fries have a plan
I know them french fries have a plan
The cheeseburger and the shakes formed a band
To overthrow the french fries plan
I always knew them french fries was evil man
Smelling all good and shit
I don’t trust no food that smells that good man
I don’t trust it
I just can’t

McDonalds Man
McDonalds Man
McDonalds, damn
Them french fries look good tho
I knew the Diet Coke was jealous of the fries
I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries
Even the McRib was jealous of the fries
I could see it through his artificial meat eyes
And he only be there some of the time
Everybody was jealous of them french fries
Except for that one special guy
That smooth apple pie

This poem should lead any reasonable person to conclude that McDonald’s manufactured the Kardashian clan as a marketing tool, starting with the incubation of Kris Jenner back in 1955—the same year Ray Kroc founded the McDonald’s Corporation. Between their McDonald’s catered baby showers, the lavish gifts, death-bed meal desires, and not-so-subtle drop-offs of grease-stained bags, the tactics have become increasingly aggressive over the years. Obviously, anyone who gets sucked into the McDashians orbit is bound to become part of the machine as well.

[quote position="full" is_quote="true"]McRibs don’t have eyes, Kanye. Also, what salad bar?[/quote]

You could read Mr. West’s poem as a cry for help: here is a man whose mind has clearly been flooded with the dogma of the world’s largest fast food empire. His delusions know no end, characterizing fries as Machiavellian masterminds and McNuggets as vengeful drones. How could the world’s most perfect hangover food be evil? To think cheeseburgers can function in a band is another sign this man has lost touch with reality. McRibs don’t have eyes, Kanye. Also, what salad bar?

Something has to be done if we want the Yeezy we know and love to return to planet Earth. Luckily, if Kanye is still Kanye and his brain hasn’t been replaced with Oreo McFlurry yet, then we can only assume he’ll start a Kickstarter to help pay for the recovery of his sanity. It’ll cost, at a minimum, $53 million dollars, but it’ll be worth the Twitter rants we’ll get in return.

Food

McDonalds sells a lot of coffee. Over a billion cups a year, to be exact. All that coffee leads to a lot of productive mornings, but it also leads to a lot of waste. Each year, millions of pounds of coffee chaff (the skin of the coffee beans that comes off during roasting) ends up getting turned into mulch. Some coffee chaff just gets burned, leading to an increase in CO2.

Now, that chaff is going to get turned into car parts. Ford is incorporating coffee chaff from McDonalds coffee into the headlamps of some cars. Ford has been using plastic and talc to make its headlamps, but this new process will reduce the reliance on talc, a non-renewable mineral. The chaff is heated to high temperatures under low oxygen and mixed with plastic and other additives. The bioplastic can then be formed into shapes.

Keep Reading Show less

For over 20 years, our country has perceived itself as more divided than united, and it's not getting better. Right after the 2016 election, a poll conducted by Gallup found that 77% of Americans felt the country was divided on the most important values, a record high.

The percentage of Americans who agree that we disagree got higher. During the 2018 mid-term elections, a poll conducted by NBC News/Wall Street Journal found that 80% of Americans felt the nation was "mainly" or "totally" divided.

We head into the 2020 presidential election more divided than ever. A new poll from USA Today found that nine out of ten respondents felt it was important to do something about the conflict in our country. We can't keep on living like this forever.

Keep Reading Show less
via Honor Africans / Twitter

The problem with American Sign Language (ASL) is that over 500,000 people in the U.S. use it, but the country has over 330 million people.

So for those with hearing loss, the chances of coming into contact with someone who uses the language are rare. Especially outside of the deaf community.

Keep Reading Show less