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When we're dating or thinking about starting a relationship, we often look out for subtle cues that speak volumes about a person's character. From good communication skills and a positive outlook to healthy boundaries, some noteworthy traits make a person likable instantly. These traits, also called "green flags," top the list when one is looking for a suitable partner to live their life with. In a Reddit post, u/SealeDrop asked other men on the platform, "What are the biggest green flags in a girl?" Many flocked to the comments section to share what they find the most impressive in a girl that makes them feel she's a keeper. Here are 10 of the best responses.
1. Showing kindness without expecting anything in return
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"Commenting as someone who recently found an amazing person after a long time of not being treated well. When they do nice things for you, it’s an investment in the shared happiness of the relationship and not self-serving and it isn’t with the intent of expecting something in return." -u/JoeyMaddox "I’m trying to navigate healthy relationships after a lifetime of traumatic ones and this is 'give and take’. Feeling safe and quelling the suspicions in the acceptance of someone else’s gestures." -u/Jokers_friend
2. Creativity
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"Creativity. The way she expresses and contributes to a conversation - smoothly shaking up the topic, creating things, describing concepts and feelings that most people have trouble expressing, etc. It is a form of intelligence I deeply appreciate." -u/RedShadowF95 "What a great way to explain it. It’s crushing being that type of woman and meeting a potential partner who doesn’t enjoy it." -u/Ok_Emergency455
3. Someone who listens with interest
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"Asking a lot of questions about me, and listening to what I have to say. Going off of that, remembering said details in the future. One thing that shocked me about dating when I was younger was how infrequently women would ask me about myself, what I do, and what makes me happy. Some of them would ask but wouldn't remember. And then the same people ask you 'Why don't you tell me anything or share with me.' There is nothing to share when it's not being received. It was like I was expected to just 'be there' along for the ride with her." -u/jayhitter
4. Being independent
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"Independence. She doesn't require you to be around here to escort her to everything she does. She has her own hobbies and interests but is happy to share them but never pushes them onto you." -u/The_Sum. "Sure, when you're with someone the point is to enjoy doing things together and spending time together. But my ex literally wouldn't hang with any of her friends, go shopping, or do anything without me right by her side. At first, it seemed cool and then it was just suffocating." -u/Krajee1
5. Being strong and mature
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"But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate strong women who are able to ultimately stand on their own first and foremost. At this age, we’ve all had our share of bad adult breakups, emotional pain, and traumas. It’s all about whether you’re able to still stand up and fight at the end of the day. Even if it’s little by little." -u/scsnse "100% agree. If you want your marriage to be a partnership, it has to be with another adult." -u/HarrysonTubman
6. Cooking
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"It may sound sexist, but cooking. It means she has accepted responsibility for being an adult. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Something as simple as chicken and vegetables. If a woman is living on their own and doesn't have a job that requires crazy hours some basic cooking skills. Goes for men too. Pro tip. If you're a guy who cooks something besides a hamburger on a grill it will definitely impress a lady." -u/QuantityDelicious
7. Being an empath
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"If you see her caring about how others are doing, worried about the well-being of animals and concerned someone is left out or feels down...you know she's going to be a great partner." -u/Fritzo2162 "I usually get won over by a big heart. So, if I hear she’s volunteering at an animal shelter or something, that’s when I know something’s right." -u/magicmulder When they are concerned about your hunger, in a loving way. Always make sure that you eat." -u/kind_user47
8. Good communication skills
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"They are easily confused but communicating is so much more than conversing. Anymore, half the time my husband and I are communicating very important things in public we tend to use faces and gestures we've accidentally built into a language. But learning to communicate emotions and expectations can be incredibly difficult. If we hadn't learned to have the hard convos openly, we wouldn't have known how much space to give each other for processing big things, how each other likes to be supported even when we need those 'quiet' moments." -u /ScarieltheMudmaid
9. Honesty is the best policy
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"Open and honest communication. She doesn't act huffy, play games, or do things like the silent treatment. If she has a problem, she brings it up and lays it out plain, and then is open to discussing it and getting the other person's perspective. And part of this is being willing to change her mind when it's discussed. Admittedly, this is more of a general struggle for people and not just with hypothetical girlfriends. But it's something that I value more than a brick of solid gold." -u/Jirekianu
10. Acceptance is key
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"I think the biggest green flag is when you get to something you are self-conscious/embarrassed about and she says that she is OK with it. To me, a keeper is someone who will love and appreciate who you are, even if you have trouble accepting every part of who you are." -u/theshizirl
This article originally appeared last year.
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Pictured: A healthy practice?
Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.