In a Japanese New Year tradition that puts America’s bowl games and outdoor NHL games to shame, three pro soccer players took to the field to take on 100 children comprising the other team. No doubt many wistful adults have wondered how they would fare as fully-grown contestants against much younger opponents, and that very hypothetical has become a reality in this surreal, chaotic contest.

90 children took to roaming the field while no less than 10 hung back to serve as goalkeepers during the beautiful frenzy. Inevitably, the hoard of children spent as much time colliding and evading each other as they did taking on the trio of pros from the Japanese J League.

Here’s a video of the encounter, which serves as an answer to the question no one asked, “What if the Puppy Bowl was played with people?”

Further hampering the pros is their reluctance to kick the ball so hard that it harms one of the ubiquitous children, so they’re left passing and shooting at half-speed for safety’s sake.

The contest appears simply a race to score the first goal, which the pros were able to manage somewhat unfairly by knocking in a header over the pint-sized wall of goalkeepers.

Such absurd contests are common on Japanese television shows, which once aired a contest in which three Olympic fencers took on 50 amateurs in a far more intense contest.

Fortunately, none of those contestants were little kids. Even Japanese game shows have their limits.