There are so many ways to introduce yourself to people, but there’s one question you should never ask when you meet someone for the first time: what do you do?
According to experts, not only is "What do you do?" boring, it’s also rude. What you’re doing when you ask that is telling someone, the moment you meet them, that the only thing you could value them for is their job.
Since we live in a world where more and more people are actively seeking to separate their self-worth from their office life, it’s better to show a different kind of interest in people when you first meet them.
On Mad Men, Pete Campbell talks about what he "does."www.youtube.com
“Asking ‘what do you do?’ is telling another person's brain, stay on autopilot,” said professional development expert Vanessa Van Edwards on the podcast Diary of a CEO, the New York Postshared. “Asking someone, ‘what do you do?’ is asking, ‘what are you worth?’ And if someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,” she continued on the podcast. "While some people are defined by what they do, that’s not necessarily something you can know when you meet someone for the first time. So it’s best to stick to other kinds of questions," Van Edwards says.
Better question alternatives include, “Working on anything exciting these days?" or "Working on anything exciting recently?” These let your conversation partner share aspects of their lives they are interested in discussing, whether it's their work or not. Another question is, “What book, movie, or TV character is most like you and why?” While Van Edwards says this can feel like a “silly dinner party question,” it can actually teach you a lot about how people view themselves and the world around them. You might learn your new friend is more of a Samantha Jones than a Liz Lemon, and you’ll be all the better for it.
On The Office, Creed Bratton is just not interested in telling you want he does. www.youtube.com
As workplace wellness expert Gloria Chan Packer shared on the TED podcast How to Be a Better Human with Chris Duffy, allowing people access to that balance—that time away from the work brain—is essential. Burnout is real, and conversations around it became even louder because of the pandemic, she believes. There were so few boundaries around what was work and what was home that people became burnt out. “We're all in different seasons of life. We all have different priorities, and so therefore, all of our boundaries need to be designed and communicated in different ways,” she says. The need for boundaries became even more of a highlight, and that need lives in conversations, too.
But you aren’t the only person who’s asked the “What do you do?’ question, by any means. We’re taught from a young age that value and worth are attached to our jobs. “We subliminally get taught to define our self-worth through our work and through our job,” Packer says. It would make sense that sometimes we'd do that to others, too. But there is a way to undo that.
Executive coach Amanda Miller Littlejohn encourages people to learn how to separate their work from their self-worth in order to achieve better mental health. “Your career should be one part of your life, not your whole identity,” she wrote in Forbes. “You owe it to yourself to imagine a life where work is meaningful but not all-consuming, and you can enjoy your success without it being your only source of fulfillment.”
In other words, people are worth so much more than their jobs.
As more and more people take this advice, maybe they won’t want to answer the “What do you do?” question anymore. So, get in front of it, leave that question behind, and make meaningful connections based on ideas outside of work.
Ketel Marte was brought to tears during an MLB game after facing a shameful fan taunt.
Baseball manager's poignant support for a player brought to tears after shameful fan taunt
Whether they’re expecting perfection from their favorite players or, worse, behaving callously toward opposing teams, sports fans often forget that athletes are human beings. But athletic competition has the ability to unify and uplift, even amid such painful and unpleasant encounters. Take, for example, a major-league baseball game held June 24, 2025 between the home team Chicago White Sox and visiting Arizona Diamondbacks.
A shameful low point occurred when Diamondbacks second baseman Ketel Marte was at bat in the seventh inning. Per ESPN, a fan reportedly yelled out a comment regarding Marte’s late mother, Elpidia Valdez, who died in a 2017 car accident in the Dominican Republic. Team personnel, including manager Torey Lovullo, then requested the 22-year-old fan be ejected. (Though he was remorseful and admitted his actions were inappropriate, according to an ESPN source, he was nonetheless banned indefinitely from all MLB ballparks.) "We commend the White Sox for taking immediate action in removing the fan," the MLB said in a statement. Marte reportedly declined to comment.
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
While the fan’s behavior is inexcusable, it did spark a powerful and inspiring moment. After hearing the comment, Marte was visibly upset, prompting Lovullo to walk on the field, put his arm around him, and offer some words of encouragement. "[I said,] 'I love you, and I’m with you, and we’re all together, and you’re not alone,'" Lovullo said in a post-game interview, as documented by The Rich Eisen Show. "'No matter what happens, no matter what was said or what you’re heard, that guy is an idiot.’"
According to Arizona Republic, Lovullo heard the fan’s comment but didn’t want to repeat it. “I looked right at [Marte] when I heard,” he said. “I looked right at him, and he looked at the person, as well. He put his head down and I could tell it had an immediate impact on him, for sure."
Elsewhere in the post-game interview, the manager called the moment "terrible" and reflected on why he stood up for Marte. "Fans are nasty, and fans go too far sometimes," he said. "I love my players, and I’m gonna protect them…I’ve known Ketel for nine years. He’s had some unbelievably great moments and some hardships as well and some really tough moments in his life. I know those. At the end of the day, we’re human beings, and we have emotions. I saw him hurting, and I wanted to protect him."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
The following day, the Chicago White Sox X account sent out a message in support of Marte, writing, "We’re with you" and "Baseball is family." On The Rich Eisen Show, the show's host addressed the need to eradicate this kind of toxic athlete-fan interaction: "I was hearing [people saying], 'There’s no place for this in major league baseball.' There isn’t. There’s no place for this in our society. I understand that people are saying the MLB has got to do something about this. Fans have a right to heckle players—this is something that has happened forever…But there is a line."
In another recent, depressing sports moment with a beautiful coda, let’s look to Game 7 of the NBA Finals between the Indiana Pacers and the eventual champions, the Oklahoma City Thunder. During the first quarter, Pacers point guard Tyrese Haliburton tore his right Achilles tendon—a devastating injury that could potentially sideline him for most of the 2025-2026 season. Following the game, in a lovely display of sportsmanship, Thunder point-guard and league MVP Shai Gilgeous-Alexander went to the Pacers locker room to check on his competitor. In a press conference, he said, "You just hate to see it, in sports in general. But in this moment, my heart dropped for him. I can't imagine playing the biggest game of my life and something like that happening. It’s so unfortunate."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com