Ever had the feeling that you can't quite live up to the expectations on which you've sold yourself? You're not alone.
Imposter Syndrome is really nothing new. It was named by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the '70s, and, although it can't be officially clinically diagnosed, it's believed to be prevalent in 9-82 percent of people, "depending on the screening methods."
As described in the 2019 article, "Impostor Phenomenon Measurement Scales: A Systematic Review," "The impostor phenomenon is a pervasive psychological experience of perceived intellectual and professional fraudulence." Some of the key points in the article reiterate fear of being exposed as "frauds—with a perceived inability to replicate their success. This fear exists despite evidence of ongoing success."
That's the key. A person might have extensive diplomas, years of awards—and yet, their mind tells them they simply got lucky and tricked the world.
People with Imposter Syndrome can't accept their achievements.
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(Interestingly, it's the opposite of a phenomenon called the Dunning-Kruger effect, where a person with average expertise and abilities will OVER-estimate and represent themselves. That one sounds like more fun.)
In this modern age, where many people are prone to scrolling Instagram and TikTok at an alarming rate, some might feel insecure as they compare their real lives to online curated "highlight reels." It's common, actually, and can result not only in FOMO but also in the fear that if people knew the "real" you—the one behind the Insta story—they might think you're not all you're cracked up to be.
In the Psychology Today article "Imposter Syndrome Revisited" by clinical psychologist, Shannon Sauer-Zavala, Ph.D., Sauer-Zavala makes sure to note what Imposter Syndrome isn't: "Despite what social media might suggest, imposter syndrome isn’t just feeling nervous before a big moment. It’s a deep-seated belief that you don’t truly deserve your achievements—and that sooner or later, people will figure it out."
Sauer-Zavala explains how the syndrome might present itself. Some inflicted by it are such perfectionists that they feel they can't make mistakes. This might cause them to work constantly—never breaking for a social life or even a meal. Others experience "avoidance," which might cause them to "hold back from opportunities because failure would 'confirm' you don’t belong." And some simply can't hear praise being bestowed onto them.
The good news is that these feelings can be conquered. Because, as it's pointed out, they ARE just feelings. "Imposter syndrome is a feeling, not a fact. And it’s one that thrives in isolation and self-doubt—but shrinks in the face of evidence and action," says Sauer-Zavala
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- Understand it's Often the MOST Competent People Who Feel Like Imposters
If one can grasp that this feeling is common in "high-achievers," this could give them comfort that they're in good company. "Imposter syndrome often hits hardest when you’re growing, stretching, or stepping into new territory—which means it’s actually a sign of progress."
- Create a "Win File"
Sauer-Zavala describes this as "a place where you store praise, accomplishments, and reminders of your expertise. When imposter thoughts creep in, revisit the evidence."
- Understand that Doubting One's Self is Simply Growing
Retrain your mind to realize that the fear you're FEELING is a normal part of trying something new. "Instead of thinking, I don’t belong here, try: I’m in the process of growing into this role."
- Talk About It
She stresses the importance of sharing the self-doubts with others, whether they be trusted friends, therapists, or family members. Because it's so common, "you’ll likely hear, 'Oh yeah, me too,' which helps dissolve the illusion that you’re alone in this."
- Be Proud
Own it. "Next time someone compliments you, resist the urge to deflect or downplay it. Instead of, 'Oh, it was just luck,' try: 'Thank you—I worked really hard on that.'"
A potentially compelling thing to note is that therapists themselves often feel this way, especially with the extra stress of helping others feel better. On a subreddit r/therapists, someone begins the discussion, "You (Probably) Don't Have Imposter Syndrome."
They write, "If you have less than 5 years of full-time experience providing therapy and you feel insecure, that isn't imposter syndrome. You're just new. Don't over-pathologize yourself. Imposter syndrome is when you feel insecurity that is disproportionate to your experience and skill level. Your insecurity is appropriate. Your brain has correctly identified that this is a very hard job that even people with 30 years of experience have not mastered. It isn't a syndrome. There's no trick. You need to do more therapy to become more confident. If you didn't feel insecure right now, you'd be a bit delusional."
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The comment section was filled with people expressing gratitude, as they too were experiencing these feelings. One writes, "Appreciate you normalizing that experience!"
OP's words could apply to most people, not just therapists. Bottom line: no matter what your profession, try to give yourself a break or even an occasional pat on the back. Feelings aren't facts, and it's important to remember that.
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Pictured: A healthy practice?
Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.