Destiny works in mysterious ways. In 2019, it brought together two grieving strangers: a daughter who had lost her dad and a dad who had lost his daughter. Chastity Patterson (now Chastity Rhodes) found an unusual way to cope with her sorrow. For four years, she texted her late father Jason Ligons' phone number every day, unaware that a man on the other end was reading her messages. One day, to her surprise, she received a reply, leaving her stunned. A snapshot of her text message that day was shared by Reddit’s popular group r/MadeMeSmile.
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Ivan
The Arkansas woman, Patterson, had been texting her dad every day since he died in 2015. It was his fourth death anniversary and she texted him an emoji-filled message as usual. In the heartbreakingly sweet message, she related the events of her life, also telling him about her latest achievements including “graduating from college” and “beating cancer.”
“Hey Dad, it’s me. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day again,” she wrote, and continued, “It's been 4 years since I lost you and not a day goes by that I don't miss you. A lot has happened in that short time, but I know that you know since I tell you all the time.” She went on to say that she had fallen in love and got her heart broken. “You would have killed him,” she quipped, “but I picked my head up and became even a stronger woman. I lost all my friends and hit rock bottom, but I found someone who came into my life and saved me.”
She added that she was afraid of marriage because she’d have to walk the aisle alone, and her dad wouldn’t be there to tell her ‘everything will be okay.’ She said if he were alive, he’d be so proud of the woman she had become. Patterson wrapped up the letter with a note that is a tearjerker, “I just wanted to say that I love you and I really miss you!”
What made this message extra special, apart from its emotion, was that this time, she received a reply. “Hi sweetheart, I am not your father, but I have been getting all your messages for the past 4 years,” the stranger wrote, adding that he looks forward to her morning messages and nightly updates. He said his name was Brad and he lost his daughter in a car wreck in August 2014. “Your messages have kept me alive,” he said.
He said he had wanted to text her back for years, but he didn’t want to break her heart. He even appreciated and inspired her saying that she was an “extraordinary woman” and he wished that his daughter would have become the woman she was. Calling her “angel,” Brad assured her, “Everything will be okay.” He said he was very proud of her and he’d look forward to her messages the following day.
Representative Image Source: Pexels | RDNE
Patterson had first posted the picture of the text messages on Facebook, but these posts have been deleted since then. But as per UK media outlet Metro, she wrote in a post that Jason was not her biological father, but despite that, he never missed a school dance, prom, or her games. “I’ve cried with him, told him everything, and even became very independent because he took the time to love me and show me what happiness looks like. So yes, Jason was my father but he was a role model for many kids in our town.” The story took off from there. In addition to top media outlets, it was shared on Reddit, where it was upvoted by 1.7k people.
Image Source: Reddit | u/lemontreats
Image Source: Reddit | u/Ibleeedorange
In December 2019, Patterson appeared as a guest on DoctorOz talk show. Speaking to the show’s host Mehmet Oz, she revealed that she was feeling already healed from her grief. She felt she was done with it and was about to delete the messages when she saw the “bubbles pop up” on her phone. When she read Brad’s message, she thought, “Am I crazy?”
Something didn’t feel right. She felt as if "someone was playing a joke on her.” She sat there for a long time, then took a screenshot of the texts, and put it on her Facebook page. She says that "she can now let her father rest,” going by the episode’s caption.
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Why do some folks use social media but don't engage?
Psychologist says people who never comment on social media share these 5 positive traits
For over 20 years, social media has developed into a staple in many people’s day-to-day lives. Whether it’s to keep in communication with friends and family, following the thoughts of celebrities, or watching cat videos while sipping your morning coffee, there seem to be two types of social media users: commenters and lurkers.
The term “lurker” sounds equally mysterious and insidious, with some social media users writing them off as non-participants at best or voyeurs at worst. However, mindfulness expert Lachlan Brown believes these non-commenters have some very psychologically positive and healthy traits. Let’s take a look at how each one of these traits could be beneficial and see how fruitful lurking might be even though it can drive content creators crazy.
1. Cautious about vulnerability
Consciously or not, making a post online or commenting on one puts you and your words out there. It’s a statement that everyone can see, even if it’s as simple as clicking “like.” Doing so opens yourself up to judgment, with all the good, bad, and potential misinterpretation that comes with it. Non-commenters would rather not open themselves up to that.
These silent users are connected to a concept of self-protection by simply not engaging. By just scrolling past posts or just reading/watching them without commentary, they’re preventing themselves from any downsides of sharing an opinion such as rejection, misunderstanding, or embarrassment. They also have more control on how much of themselves they’re willing to reveal to the general public, and tend to be more open face-to-face or during one-on-one/one-on-few private chats or DMs. This can be seen as a healthy boundary and prevents unnecessary exposure.
Considering many comment sections, especially involving political topics, are meant to stir negative emotional responses to increase engagement, being extra mindful about where, when, and what you comment might not be a bad idea. They might not even take the engagement bait at all. Or if they see a friend of theirs post something vulnerable, they feel more motivated to engage with them personally one-on-one rather than use social media to publicly check in on them.
2. Analytical and reflective mindset
How many times have you gone onto Reddit, YouTube, or any other site and just skimmed past comments that are just different versions of “yes, and,” “no, but,” or “yes, but”? Or the ever insightful, formerly popular comment “First!” in a thread? These silent browsers lean against adding to such noise unless they have some valid and thoughtful contribution (if they bother to comment period).
These non-posters are likely wired on reflective thinking rather than their initial intuition. Not to say that all those who comment aren’t thoughtful, but many tend to react quickly and comment based on their initial feelings rather than absorbing the information, thinking it over, researching or testing their belief, and then posting it. For "lurkers," it could by their very nature to just do all of that and not post it at all, or share their thoughts and findings privately with a friend. All in all, it’s a preference of substance over speed.
3. High sense of self-awareness
Carried over from the first two listed traits, these silent social media users incorporate their concern over their vulnerability and their reflective mindset into digital self-awareness. They know what triggers responses out of them and what causes them to engage in impulsive behavior. It could be that they have engaged with a troll in the past and felt foolish. Or that they just felt sad after a post or got into an unnecessary argument that impacted them offline. By knowing themselves and seeing what’s being discussed, they choose to weigh their words carefully or just not participate at all. It’s a form of self-preservation through restraint.
4. Prefer to observe rather than perform
Some folks treat social media as information, entertainment, or a mix of both, and commenting can feel like they’re yelling at the TV, clapping alone in a movie theater when the credits roll, or yelling “That’s not true!” to a news anchor that will never hear them. But contrary to that, social media is a place where those yells, claps, and accusations can be seen and get a response. By its design, social media is considered by experts and the media as performative, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. Taking all of the previously mentioned traits into account, one can see why they would prefer to “observe the play” rather than get up on the stage of Facebook or X.
On top of that, these non-commenters could be using social media differently than those who choose to fully engage with it. Using this type of navigation, there may be nothing for them to comment about. Some commenters are even vying for this for their mental health. There are articles about how to better curate your social media feeds and manipulate algorithms to create a better social media experience to avoid unnecessary conflict or mentally tiring debate.
If you go on a blocking spree on all of your accounts and just follow the posters that boost you, it could turn your social media into a nice part of your routine as you mainly engage with others face-to-face or privately. In terms of commenting, if your curated Instagram is just following cute dogs and all you have to offer for a comment is “cute dog,” you might just enjoy the picture and then move on with your day rather than join in the noise. These non-commenters aren’t in the show and they’re fine with it.
5. Less motivated by social validation
The last trait that Brown showcases is that social media users who browse without posting tend to be independent from external validation, at least online. Social media is built to grow through feedback loops such as awarding likes, shares, and reposts of your content along with notifications letting you know that a new person follows you or wants to connect. This can lead many people to connect their activity on social media with their sense of self worth, especially with adolescents who are still figuring out their place in the world and have still-developing brains.
Engaging in social media via likes, shares, comments, and posts rewards our brains by having them release dopamine, which makes us feel good and can easily become addictive. For whatever reason, non-commenters don’t rely on social media as a means to gauge their social capital or self worth. This doesn’t make them better than those who do. While some non-commenters could have healthier ways to boost their self worth or release dopamine into their systems, many get that validation from equally unhealthy sources offline. That said, many non-commenters’ silence could be a display of independence and self confidence.
Whether you frequently comment online or don’t, it’s good to understand why you do or don’t. Analyzing your habits can help you determine whether your online engagement is healthy, or needs to be tweaked. With that information, you can then create a healthy social media experience that works for you.