Grief is deeply personal, and everyone processes it differently. Some people withdraw, while others struggle to stay focused on their surroundings. When dealing with loss, especially during school or college, the support of compassionate professors can make all the difference. In a September 2020 tweet, a woman named Alyssa (@actualdavidrose on X) shared how her English professor showed incredible empathy after Alyssa lost her sister. The professor’s kind response to her request for an extension touched many online.
“My sister died yesterday. Can’t explain how much I appreciate my English professor’s compassion,” Alyssa wrote in her tweet, alongside a screenshot of the professor’s email. The message read, “Alyssa, I don’t know what to say. I have two sisters, and anyway, take all the time you need—no documentation needed.” The professor also reassured her she could take more extensions if necessary: “And you don’t need to promise not to take another extension—I’m giving you blanket flexibility in advance.”
The rest of the message read, “You’ve already done good work so far, and my goal is for you to get something positive out of the class, and after what just happened if you just participate to the extent possible, I’ll make that work. Take care of yourself.” In the comments section, people praised the professor for doing the genuine thing in the given situation. “This professor seems like a genuinely good person,” commented @stpolishook. @offsetsynt4x said, “As a student this is remarkable.” @m_e_nielsen added, “Glad this teacher had a clear line of sight on the right thing to do.”
A woman @alyssfoxy shared a similar experience, “I had a professor just like this last year when I went through the same loss! She let me take a month off and gave me 2 months to take the exams whenever I pleased. She also offered to talk to me out of office hours about how I feel (unrelated to school) She was a blessing!”
Alyssa’s tweet was also reposted by u/kbdfan42 in Reddit’s r/mademesmile group, where over 117,000 people upvoted it and more than 750 commented. “An English professor saying they don’t know what to write speaks volumes,” said u/uptonogood119. u/adventurous-age6490 wrote, “It shows real humility- something I don’t see a whole lot of with other professors.” Reflecting on the importance of a professor’s kindness, u/pawrassicbark said, “The best way to make a huge impact on a student isn’t via the grades, it’s the development of a trusting and positive relationship.”
Image Source: Reddit | u/hurricanelantern
Others shared experiences with professors, quite opposite to Alyssa’s. “I lost my father last Saturday and one of my professors doesn’t really seem to be willing to work with me,” shared u/fellate_the_fate. u/moser319 recalled an experience when they literally failed a course at the university just because a professor thought they were uncaring of their studies, knowing very well that the student’s granny just passed away.
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Why do some folks use social media but don't engage?
Psychologist says people who never comment on social media share these 5 positive traits
For over 20 years, social media has developed into a staple in many people’s day-to-day lives. Whether it’s to keep in communication with friends and family, following the thoughts of celebrities, or watching cat videos while sipping your morning coffee, there seem to be two types of social media users: commenters and lurkers.
The term “lurker” sounds equally mysterious and insidious, with some social media users writing them off as non-participants at best or voyeurs at worst. However, mindfulness expert Lachlan Brown believes these non-commenters have some very psychologically positive and healthy traits. Let’s take a look at how each one of these traits could be beneficial and see how fruitful lurking might be even though it can drive content creators crazy.
1. Cautious about vulnerability
Consciously or not, making a post online or commenting on one puts you and your words out there. It’s a statement that everyone can see, even if it’s as simple as clicking “like.” Doing so opens yourself up to judgment, with all the good, bad, and potential misinterpretation that comes with it. Non-commenters would rather not open themselves up to that.
These silent users are connected to a concept of self-protection by simply not engaging. By just scrolling past posts or just reading/watching them without commentary, they’re preventing themselves from any downsides of sharing an opinion such as rejection, misunderstanding, or embarrassment. They also have more control on how much of themselves they’re willing to reveal to the general public, and tend to be more open face-to-face or during one-on-one/one-on-few private chats or DMs. This can be seen as a healthy boundary and prevents unnecessary exposure.
Considering many comment sections, especially involving political topics, are meant to stir negative emotional responses to increase engagement, being extra mindful about where, when, and what you comment might not be a bad idea. They might not even take the engagement bait at all. Or if they see a friend of theirs post something vulnerable, they feel more motivated to engage with them personally one-on-one rather than use social media to publicly check in on them.
2. Analytical and reflective mindset
How many times have you gone onto Reddit, YouTube, or any other site and just skimmed past comments that are just different versions of “yes, and,” “no, but,” or “yes, but”? Or the ever insightful, formerly popular comment “First!” in a thread? These silent browsers lean against adding to such noise unless they have some valid and thoughtful contribution (if they bother to comment period).
These non-posters are likely wired on reflective thinking rather than their initial intuition. Not to say that all those who comment aren’t thoughtful, but many tend to react quickly and comment based on their initial feelings rather than absorbing the information, thinking it over, researching or testing their belief, and then posting it. For "lurkers," it could by their very nature to just do all of that and not post it at all, or share their thoughts and findings privately with a friend. All in all, it’s a preference of substance over speed.
3. High sense of self-awareness
Carried over from the first two listed traits, these silent social media users incorporate their concern over their vulnerability and their reflective mindset into digital self-awareness. They know what triggers responses out of them and what causes them to engage in impulsive behavior. It could be that they have engaged with a troll in the past and felt foolish. Or that they just felt sad after a post or got into an unnecessary argument that impacted them offline. By knowing themselves and seeing what’s being discussed, they choose to weigh their words carefully or just not participate at all. It’s a form of self-preservation through restraint.
4. Prefer to observe rather than perform
Some folks treat social media as information, entertainment, or a mix of both, and commenting can feel like they’re yelling at the TV, clapping alone in a movie theater when the credits roll, or yelling “That’s not true!” to a news anchor that will never hear them. But contrary to that, social media is a place where those yells, claps, and accusations can be seen and get a response. By its design, social media is considered by experts and the media as performative, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. Taking all of the previously mentioned traits into account, one can see why they would prefer to “observe the play” rather than get up on the stage of Facebook or X.
On top of that, these non-commenters could be using social media differently than those who choose to fully engage with it. Using this type of navigation, there may be nothing for them to comment about. Some commenters are even vying for this for their mental health. There are articles about how to better curate your social media feeds and manipulate algorithms to create a better social media experience to avoid unnecessary conflict or mentally tiring debate.
If you go on a blocking spree on all of your accounts and just follow the posters that boost you, it could turn your social media into a nice part of your routine as you mainly engage with others face-to-face or privately. In terms of commenting, if your curated Instagram is just following cute dogs and all you have to offer for a comment is “cute dog,” you might just enjoy the picture and then move on with your day rather than join in the noise. These non-commenters aren’t in the show and they’re fine with it.
5. Less motivated by social validation
The last trait that Brown showcases is that social media users who browse without posting tend to be independent from external validation, at least online. Social media is built to grow through feedback loops such as awarding likes, shares, and reposts of your content along with notifications letting you know that a new person follows you or wants to connect. This can lead many people to connect their activity on social media with their sense of self worth, especially with adolescents who are still figuring out their place in the world and have still-developing brains.
Engaging in social media via likes, shares, comments, and posts rewards our brains by having them release dopamine, which makes us feel good and can easily become addictive. For whatever reason, non-commenters don’t rely on social media as a means to gauge their social capital or self worth. This doesn’t make them better than those who do. While some non-commenters could have healthier ways to boost their self worth or release dopamine into their systems, many get that validation from equally unhealthy sources offline. That said, many non-commenters’ silence could be a display of independence and self confidence.
Whether you frequently comment online or don’t, it’s good to understand why you do or don’t. Analyzing your habits can help you determine whether your online engagement is healthy, or needs to be tweaked. With that information, you can then create a healthy social media experience that works for you.