10 honest reasons women are single that have nothing to do with 'not finding the one'

For generations, the societal script has been clear: grow up, find a partner, and settle down. But that narrative is shifting. Increasingly, women are deciding that the "default" path isn't the only one, opting instead to prioritize their own peace, careers, and independence over romance.

This shift was the focus of a revealing conversation on Reddit, where user u/crypticweirdo9105 asked the r/AskWomen community a simple question: why have they chosen to remain single? The hundreds of responses that followed painted a complex picture of modern dating, highlighting everything from the exhaustion of apps to the joy of solitude.

Here are 10 of the most common and compelling reasons women shared for flying solo.

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1. The exhaustion of digital dating

I’m “actively” choosing to be single because I don’t want to go on dating apps. I tried them in the past and they were so overwhelming. My anxiety went through the roof trying to juggle conversations and dodging “creepy” messages.” – u/doodlebug365

2. Healing from past heartbreak

“I let myself love someone that didn’t love me back the way they should. My life has been ok but really depressing, not feeling like there is something to live for but I know there is I know it will take time.” – u/desperate9832

“Three years ago, my boyfriend and I broke up and it nearly killed me. I took about 6 months to heal and started dating again. The next relationship didn’t work out, and I realized I liked being by myself. I don’t know that I’ll ever remarry or date again. If I do, the standards are really high. I’m very content in my life and in myself and I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone.” – u/krlhan11

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3. Waiting for the right fit, not just any fit

“I don't mind being single. It's not the end of the world. I like my peace and quiet. But I will always be open to having that special someone in my life. I just haven't found that person yet.” – u/joeymami2015

"I wanted to be whole as a person. I don’t want to depend my happiness on someone else. I don’t want to rush into relationships just for the sake I’m not alone. When I’ve found the person that I want to get vulnerable with; hopefully he will just add up in my life and world.” – u/sakispice

“The thing is that I have become very comfortable being with myself, I feel whole. That doesn't mean that I don't get lonely. But unless I find someone that will add to my life and make my comfort even more comfortable, I don't see a point. I never liked the idea of finding a person that completes you, metaphorically speaking princess looking for a prince. I am a queen looking for a king lol.” – u/sparkletempt

Gif of woman saying "I won't be bound to any man." via Giphy

4. A lack of trust in men

“I have a lot of relationship and dating trauma I have to work through before I begin the process of ever trusting a man intimately again.” – u/pixelpixxy

“The reason is the current state/condition/attitude of men. They want a traditional dynamic but with modern advantages. So they want a subservient woman who will do all the household things and basically be their mom, and still hold down a full time job and be the adult in the relationship. It’s much more peaceful and less frustrating being single.” – u/laminatedbean

5. The peace of a drama-free life

“Life is peaceful and I don’t get told sweet chocolate-covered lies.” – u/lisavela

“I get to focus on myself without the constant worry of not being enough for somebody or being too much. peaceful.” – u/lace_coffin

6. Prioritizing career ambitions

“I was in an abusive relationship for 19 years. It did much damage that I’m trying to heal from but more than anything, it held me back from achieving my professional goals. Now that I’m free, I’m focused on my goals and I won’t be distracted until I’m done.” – u/infactinfarctinfart

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7. Cherishing total independence

“I never consciously made that decision - I'm just too selfish to be willing to adapt to being in that kind of relationship.” – u/mindingmine

“It’s worth it to be on my own because I am finally giving my love to the one person that deserves it the most: me.” – u/crochetandkittens

8. Putting self-love first

“Since I decided to be single I have achieved so many goals, my career has launched and I bought my first house on my own! From now on I am very careful about who I allow in my life, I don't settle for less because I don't need to. Being emotionally and financially independent is the most important thing in life, for women and men. Partnerships are important but taking care of yourself first should always be a priority.” –u/immediate_expert6742t6742

Gif of woman saying "Happy. Independent. Feminine." via Giphy

9. Avoiding superficial connections

“Relationships seem to be so superficial now, no deep connection and love anymore.” – u/bluedelights

“The idea of a relationship still feels like giving someone control over my life. And I can’t do that. Plus, I’ve been having fun just doing what I want, and participating in the hook-up scene.” – u/clutterc0re

10. Simply enjoying life as it is

“I'd like to know if I have a reason that I just haven't discovered yet. To me, I just don't feel any desire to seek anyone out. No feelings or fear of loneliness giving that push I guess. Life is great. I see my friends when I do crave some interaction. Having my dog around is always joyful too.” – u/important_coconut_39

“I’m just a lot happier this way in general. I’ve noticed I'm a lot more creative when I’m not in a relationship and I find it fun.” – u/bigbootyomoletlover

This article originally appeared last year.