“You look great!”
Um, thanks.
I have been in the hospital a number of times before due to Crohn’s disease flare-ups over the past 18 years. Sometimes I was so sick, I was unable to walk due to pain or weakness or losing blood, but never have I had to face the surgeon’s knife. That would never happen to me! No way! That only happens to other people who are really sick! I’ll never get to that point, I thought. Until I did.
The end of 2014, I was doing a show and I experienced terrific pain during a performance. I thought I may have pulled a muscle, and I thought the pain would go, but it only got worse. I ended up in the emergency room; lo and behold, it was Crohn’s.
[quote position="right" is_quote="true"]You can look fabulous, but can be feeling far from it.[/quote]
Even after 18 years, it always took me by surprise when I would have a flare. Apparently there was a small hole in my large intestine that the doctors managed to heal with treatment in the hospital for two weeks, avoiding surgery.
I left the hospital in November 2014, and started to feel better. So, at the end of the year, I spent some time in the States and came back to Australia at the beginning of 2015—carrying on with work and life, all going well.
Funny thing is, when you’re feeling well, you tend to forget you have Crohn’s. And this is where the danger lies, I believe. Because, when you have Crohn’s, even if you’re “feeling well,” that doesn’t necessarily mean you are.
I was back in the hospital again in June 2015, booked for another colonoscopy. As I was going in for the procedure, I bumped into my previous gastroenterologist. He said, “Hello Sylvia! How are you going?” I said, “Not too bad (why do we Aussies always under-play things?). I’m having a bit of a flare, so am going in for a colonoscopy.” He said, “Ok. Well, you look great! A bit thin, but you look great!”
I said, “Thanks.”
A Crohn’s point. You can look fabulous, but can be feeling far from it. Please don’t judge a book by its cover, friends.
I went in for the colonoscopy and my new specialist gave me the results: “Your intestines are so ruptured, we couldn’t even get the camera through; we don’t even know how you’re walking. We need to operate right away because this is potentially life-threatening.”
And there it began. I was one of those people who was apparently so sick, they needed to perform a resection surgery—removing a part of the large intestine—which turned into two surgeries, which turned into three surgeries, removing all of my large intestine, with a temporary ileostomy—the dreaded bag.
This, by the way, is not standard.
Apparently a resection surgery is a resection surgery. And that’s it. You’re in. You’re out. You go home.
My first surgery, however, broke away in my body after a week of recovery. Truly horrific. I have never been in so much pain and I have never felt so frightened in my life. The surgeons had to do an emergency second operation, removing the remainder of my large intestine, and that’s where I ended up with the ileostomy—the bag. Thankfully the ileostomy was only temporary. This sort of major surgical complication only ever happened to the surgeon once before. Also, during my six-week stay in the hospital (which was only meant to be two weeks max) there were further complications. In fact, medical students came around to have a look at me, as a study on “What can go wrong when operating on Crohn’s patients.” Great. They were, by the way, quite strapping doctors, so that was a highlight. I, however, wasn’t in my best form to say the least. I was looking exactly as I was feeling.
[quote position="left" is_quote="true"]Your intestines are so ruptured, we couldn’t even get the camera through.[/quote]
Crohn’s can be very tricky, in a number of ways. It can even fool the patient. You may look great. Doctors can even say you look great. You may think you’re feeling great. And that’s hard to monitor, because with chronic illness, you can become so accustomed to being run down and experiencing pain on a regular basis, that your tolerance for pain is actually quite high compared to others not experiencing chronic illness.
Thankfully, now one year later, I am doing well. I’m on a new medication, Humira, which has helped put the disease into remission. And, I hope to continue to stay in remission. And, I know I will never let myself get to that point ever again. The moment there is a hint of anything, I am going straight to the doctor.
So, my learning from all of this is—take this disease incredibly seriously. I don’t think I ever really did, not to the extent I should have. Being a “bit sick,” for me, was the norm. Until now. Please, friends with Crohn’s and family members of those with Crohn’s, don’t judge the disease from how you may look or feel, even if you feel great. Monitor yourself consistently with doctors, specialists—talk about Crohn’s, go to support groups. Ask questions, share. This disease is a very real thing. And, it can take you completely off guard. Lord knows it did with me.
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Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.