Psychologist offers imaginative tip on how to tolerate insufferable people with grace

It can be hard to get through the day, especially if you’re in a good mood and someone else is bringing you down with anger and negativity. It’s not just annoying to hear, but it can really bring down your mood or get you involved in their drama. Fortunately, one way to help yourself in such situations is to just be a tree.

Psychologist Kimberly Moffit went on TikTok to offer some imaginative advice for the next time someone tries to rage-bait you in real life. She advises that you picture yourself as a tall, calm tree and the angry person as a small gremlin trying to light you on fire with their angry “sparks.” Instead of getting lit up in flames, just let the sparks bounce off you and land back on the ground. The idea is that the “gremlin” will eventually move on after seeing that their “sparks” didn’t faze you.

Moffit said that this technique sounds weird but that it “works every time.” She may have something there, but other experts and therapists that reached out to GOOD offered explanations of what the angry person is trying to do when attempting to engage with you in a less gremlin-based context.

“The number one thing I focus on is that the other person who is trying to push your buttons is angry, you are not,” said therapist and coach John Sovec. “They are trying to force alignment of their ideas on you, but you don’t have to agree to that paradigm. It is often a game for the other person to see if they can draw you into their reality, and once they have you there, to keep you trapped and under their control.”

“Angry people on the attack are typically disregulated, they can defensive, anxious, or even threatening. If you engage, you're now pulled into their emotional state. Rather than correcting, aim to regulate yourself,” said therapist and social worker Amalya Tagakchyan.

“A cool technique to keep yourself safe is to recognize the game that is being played, and to step back in your mind and choose not to play,” added Sovec.

Moffit’s technique could work for you, and many of her peers vouch for this technique.

“The visualization of the tree and a gremlin is a great one. It really illustrates the concept of remaining responsible for your own regulation, regardless of what’s happening on the other side of the interaction,” said licensed therapist Audrey Schoen. “I personally imagine a bubble around me, and everything they say goes splat against that bubble. I choose what to let in and what to leave out.”

“We all deal with people trying to drag us into their drama,” said therapist and behavioral health expert Aaron Mostin. “Here's what actually works: mental subtitles. Someone's going off on you? Imagine subtitles running underneath. ‘I'm scared’ or ‘I need control.’ Changes everything. You’re not in their show anymore, you’re watching it.”

Whether it’s through becoming a tree, being trapped in a protective bubble, or experiencing the interaction like a foreign language film, there are several ways to not let another person bring you down with their attitude. Who knows, maybe you’ll think up of one that works best for you that you can share with your friends, too.