Many men grow up in households, or within broader cultures, that prioritize so-called "toughness" over vulnerability, treating tears like signs of weakness. A lot of guys would never dream to cry in front of anyone, even their family members, and if you have that mocking voice in your subconscious, it can be difficult to shake even in a society that’s at least outwardly concerned about toxic masculinity.
Granted, some guys probably hold back their emotions because it can feel uncomfortable to vent in the wrong setting. Even some close friendships are engineered for escapism—you might prefer to spend your hang-outs talking about movies or sports than venting about childhood trauma. You would, however, expect that most romantic relationships would foster vulnerability, but that’s not always true.
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In a recent Reddit thread posted on r/AskMenAdvice, one guy worries that opening up to his girlfriend may have "destroyed" their relationship. The OP admits that he used to be have "the emotional capacity of a rock"—being "the type of guy who could sleep with multiple different women in a week and not feel a thing." But his perspective shifted after meeting his girlfriend, "the very first person" he cares more about than himself—and the first he felt comfortable showing "true emotions."
He says their relationship used to be very warm and open—she would vent about work, ask for advice, share stories from her past, and "do cute little things" for him. But the vibe shifted, he argues, after he opened up emotionally following the death of a dog he grew up with.
"I just broke," he writes. "It was the first time in years or even a decade that I cried. I just couldn’t hold it anymore... somehow this also opened up other things inside of me that I didn't deal with emotionally ever. Like for example that [I] basically grew up without a mom and the fact that I was very insecure about my body for a long time because of my weight (which made me go into the other direction later on where I do sports nearly every other day to never be overweight again). This whole venting felt really good, but all my GF answered afterwards was 'Are you done? Then you better go to sleep.'"
He found her reaction "pretty odd" but didn’t think much about it—until, he says, he started noticing changes. He now wonders if he "lost her respect" by opening up.
The responses are well worth wading through, partly because their sentiments are all over the map. A lot of people sympathized with the Redditor, while others criticized his reaction. Some messages, like the top comment, are simpler and somewhat neutral: "Never stay where your true emotions are not welcome."
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One user wrote that, if simply crying in front of his girlfriend changed her opinion, it’s ideal that he found out now. "Best move would be to sit her down and tell her you feel like things have changed and ask why," they wrote. "Reminder her you’re asking to understand not to argue and hopefully you’ll get your answer. Maybe it’s a bump in the road that’s unrelated, maybe it isn’t, but have the tough conversations now because if it’s something that’s gonna make her walk out you might as well rip that band aid off now and get it over with." Someone else argued that anyone reacting this way, seeing vulnerability as a sign of weakness, "is not a life partner."
Other users argued that the OP’s past behavior created some kind of karma. "He spent years giving that energy towards women, now it’s coming back," reads one response. "Not to say it’ll be like that forever, but they do say what goes around comes around. Now you’ve learned the importance of being caring towards partners and the value of genuine connection. Take this L that you admittedly know you deserve, and grow from it."
One Redditor looked more analytically at the very nature of their initial attraction: "She is attracted to men that are emotionally unavailable. That is why she got with him in the first place. Then when he became caring and emotionally available, she went off him. It’s perfectly logical."
It’s worth pausing here to look more closely at "toxic masculinity," a term that may seem recent but has actually existed for decades. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America considers the "core tenants" to be "anti-femininity" ("men reject any and all feminine traits, including most emotion, accepting help, and domesticity"), "power" ("men are worthy only if they have money, power, status, and influence"), and, perhaps most relevant to this story, "toughness" ("men are strong, aggressive, and emotionally hardened").
The easiest way to understand reactions to men crying is, of course, to ask—and lots of people have done just that. The LAHWF YouTube channel filmed a video called "People on men that cry," asking strangers on the street, including some couples, about this topic.
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In one interesting response, someone said their comfort level with crying men is contextual. Should men be more emotionally vulnerable? "Yes, but not too early in the relationship. … It could be a turn-off." Someone else said they don’t consider it a problem at all: "I think everyone should have an opportunity to be vulnerable, regardless of your gender." Lots of people agreed that men being emotionally vulnerable is a good thing.
Of course, there’s no way to know exactly how often men cry, though it’s always interesting to look at the data we have. Citing a study of 7,000 adults across 37 countries, a 2017 article by the American Psychological Association found that men shed "emotional tears" 5-17 times per year, compared to 30-64 times for women.
Ladder leads out of darkness.Photo credit 
Woman's reflection in shadow.Photo credit 
Young woman frazzled.Photo credit 
Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.