Children need to feel safe, secure, and loved. But when those feelings are unpredictable, it can lead to "eggshell parenting," a term popularized by Dr. Kim Sage, a licensed psychologist from Newport, California. On her TikTok channel (@drkimsage), she has shared hundreds of videos on this subject.
Sage describes eggshell parenting as a harmful power dynamic where unpredictable emotional outbursts by parents force children to walk on eggshells, constantly feeling hypervigilant. This not only stifles their childlike qualities but also sets the stage for damaging adult relationships.
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In a video that has been viewed over 18.5k times, Dr. Sage explains that “eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships." She defines eggshells as “emotionally dangerous behaviors" and lists some eggshell parenting behaviors such as unpredictability, isolation, yelling, blame and shame, guilt-tripping, name-calling, and parentification. Another sign of this parenting style, she says, is the “destroying of loved possessions.”
“The parent’s mood is like being on a roller coaster. You never know what to expect,” she describes and adds, “Means that you are living in a state of chronic fight or flight.” She affirms that is not the right way to teach or parent one’s child. “It’s not about teaching. It’s an intentional way to make you feel bad about yourself,” suggesting that the person walking on eggshells should try to “stay alert how this feels in the body and the sense of self.”
In another video, that has garnered over 4.5 million views, Sage writes an overlay note about eggshell mothers, asking the viewers how they feel about their emotions. "If you had an eggshell mother, or primary caregiver, who was chronically angry, yelled a lot, had no boundaries and was unpredictable emotionally, and who expected you to be her best friend and yet who could also be conditionally loving and supportive, how is your raging anxiety, lack of trust, tendency to isolate when you feel deeply emotional going?" she stated.
Eggshell parenting is not merely about continuous yelling or breaking boundaries but “it’s also about being a chronic source of fear for your kids and forcing them to live a childhood in hypervigilance as they walk on eggshells around you,” the expert explains in a different TikTok video. “It’s a trauma bond with your kids in which you mix good love with bad love via intermittent reinforcement. It’s about repeated enmeshment and parentification and you forcing the child to focus more on you than on themselves,” explains Sage.
In another video, Sage spoke about the tactic children of eggshell parents use to feel safe. She explained that these children usually receive a mix of good love and bad love. When good love comes, it feels evident to them that bad love is soon following. “Even though I get the good love I know the bad love is coming. And the bad love often looks like their rage, their parentification, their enmeshment." She continues, "You know the conditionality of love; as long as you are giving me what I want, I’ll give you what you want, but don’t expect me to own my behaviors, make apologies or whatever.” This commonly leads to a tendency in the child to isolate themselves from the world. Their nervous system gets to believe that “the only time we are truly safe is when we are alone.”
Parenting styles were first identified in the 1960s by psychologist Diana Baumrind, who classified them into three categories: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Eggshell parenting falls under the category of “authoritarian parenting.”
While unpredictable behavior is confusing and bumfuzzling, threats can also play a role in eggshell parenting. “One client told me that her mother threatened to kick her out of the house as a teenager if she got her hair cut short,” said Shari Botwin, author of “Thriving After Trauma.” Another psychologist, Kelsey M. Latimer, tells Fatherly that “in the case of eggshell parents, no matter what kids do, they are frequently and unfairly cast in the wrong.” Latimer says that this happens because parents are not conscious of their emotional reactions and mood disorders. They don’t choose to do this to their kids, but their lack of awareness causes them to react in a way that makes them regret their actions later on.
From my experience walking on eggshells is a deep root of lacking self validation. When I grew up I had an emotionally absent father who I would constantly seek validation. Carried over into relationships. This was draining to the relationships I was in and took time to heal.
— Matt Foxhunter (@mfoxhunter) March 28, 2023
She further added that if a child has had eggshell parenting, they are prone to become an eggshell parent. However, many parents are attempting to heal their past and renew their relationships. It also made many appreciate their parents as well. "I just wanna get on here and say love my mom for not being like this. She is not perfect but loves and has loved me unconditionally," wrote one user. Some tried to reason why their parents became like that. "Sometimes I sit back & wonder, what happened to my mom to make her be this way. One day I’d like to sit down with her and talk about this. Maybe," another user added.
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21 products that are gaslighting us into thinking they’re essential when they’re not
Some things in life are actually necessary—clean water, decent healthcare, basic human decency. But then there are the things that feel like they’re gaslighting us. The things we’re told we can’t live without, even though we survived just fine before they existed. Things like "smart" fridges, lawn fertilizer services, and yes—whole body deodorant.
Recently, our sister-site Upworthy asked their Facebook audience the question: What's a product or service that feels like it's gaslighting all of us into thinking it's necessary? More than 8,000 responses poured in. The answers were passionate, funny, and surprisingly unified.
Here are 21 products, services, and systems people called out for pretending to be essential—when they might actually be optional, overpriced, or flat-out invented.
1. Whole body deodorant
"Take a shower," said Shannon H.
“How did we ever manage all those years without it!! 😂😵💫” added Karen R.
Others noted it may help people with medical conditions—but for the average person, it's definitely a marketing creation.
2. Health insurance
It topped the list. Erica L. explained: “My doctor prescribes, the pharmacist issues meds, nurses care for people, surgeons do surgery—Health Insurance stands between health care and patients and says no, exclusively on whether they think it’s financially effective to treat you.”
Important note: Health insurance can provide life-saving access for many—but what people are frustrated by here is the profit-first system, not care itself.
3. The wedding industry
Multiple people slammed the high cost of modern weddings.
JoElla B. put it plainly: “We spend too much time and money planning one day, and not enough thought on how to blend two lives in a mutually beneficial one.”
Others called out expensive dresses, venues, and pressure to perform for social media.
4. Bottled water
Carole D. said: “Water in plastic bottles! Get a cup!”
While bottled water has value in emergencies, it’s often just filtered tap water—sold for profit in plastic.
5. Baby product overload
“Most baby products,” wrote Kelli O. “They really aren’t as needy and complicated as companies want us to think.”
6. Fabric softener
“It’s bad for clothes, bad for the Earth, bad for the wallet, and totally unnecessary,” said Gail H.
Some experts agree—many softeners contain chemicals that can reduce fabric lifespan and irritate skin.
7. Smart appliances
“Adding ‘phone controls’ to every appliance instead of making them last as long as they used to,” wrote Sherry S.
When your fridge needs a software update, something’s gone off the rails.
8. Makeup and anti-aging products
“Anything anti-aging,” said Melissa T., “Please just let me age into the gargoyle I was meant to become.”
Others questioned products designed to “fix” eyelashes, eyebrows, pores, and graying hair.
April S. added, “Products that women are convinced they MUST have in order to be ‘beautiful’ and therefore ‘loved.’”
9. Cosmetic surgery
Ron P. called out the industry as a whole. And while body autonomy matters, many commenters questioned whether insecurities are being commodified and sold back to us.
10. Ticketmaster and “convenience fees”
“Let’s go back to waiting in line at a record store,” wrote Nicole C.
Zaida B. added: “Convenience fee for online purchases—then charging $10 more at the actual event.”
11. Engagement rings
James P. didn’t mince words: “Engagement rings.”
The diamond industry has long been criticized for manufactured scarcity and marketing-fueled necessity.
12. Lawn chemicals and services
“Plant native grasses and you don’t have the pests or need for constant watering,” wrote Jamie B.
Environmental groups have raised similar concerns over runoff and unnecessary pesticide use.
13. AI and generative tech
“This stuff squeezes the lifeblood and individuality out of the human experience,” said Teresa L.
Saskia D. and others echoed skepticism about its necessity, even as many of us are being pushed to use it.
14. Funeral services
Amy W. shared: “My parents both have already paid to have themselves cremated and are very adamant that they do not want anything big done for them. In their words, ‘I won’t care, I’m dead.’”
Of course, some families find comfort in tradition—but the cost and pressure can feel overwhelming and predatory.
15. Rinse and repeat
Amy D. nailed it: “It’s just to sell more. Not even sure you need it at all.”
16. Credit Card Surcharges
Shawn S. took aim at the extra fees popping up at checkout: “That is the cost of doing business and shouldn’t be the burden of the purchaser.”
Many questioned why customers are increasingly being asked to pay extra simply for the convenience of using a card.
17. Constant phone upgrades
“Apple are notorious for releasing the same shit every year,” said Steph S.
Diana H. added, “Needing to upgrade our phones so frequently.”
Built-in obsolescence and marketing cycles drive most of the demand.
18. Vitamins and supplements
“If I took every supplement they say I NEED I wouldn’t need food. Nor could I afford it,” said Tausha L.
19. Fake pockets on women’s pants
Jessica W. said, “I have to buy men’s pants for work because women’s pants would just get torn up too fast!”
Form over function, and then they charge more for it.
20. Disposable everything
“The ‘convenience’ of disposable everything,” said Rick R.
It’s killing the planet—and draining wallets.
21. Tipping
“I’m sick of supplementing for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage,” wrote Susan V.
Tipping culture has evolved into something far removed from its original intent, and for many, it now feels like a burden shifted onto the customer.
The bigger picture
People aren’t saying all these things should vanish tomorrow. But when we start seeing convenience sold as necessity, and insecurity turned into billion-dollar markets, it's worth asking: who benefits from all of this?
And more importantly—who pays?
This article originally appeared earlier this year.