A new University of Michigan experiment published in Cognition & Emotion is showing that sometimes labels do matter. They have found that people who are experiencing solitude are less lonely when they refer to it as “me-time” rather than “isolation.” They have found that just labeling it as “me-time” improves the person’s perceptions and boosts positive feelings, regardless of where the lonely period is taking place or any activity being done.
In two separate studies, Micaela Rodriguez and Scott W. Campbell examined how “me-time,” “isolation,” and other terms used to describe time alone impacted a person’s emotions, behavior, and perception during their solo experiences. The first study had 500 U.S. adults assigned to one of five labels to describe alone time: me-time, time alone, solitude, being alone, or isolation. Each person’s rating on their assigned term was based on several aspects, including how positive or negative the term itself felt, the perception of that term’s impact on a person’s well-being, and whether the participant would actively seek out or avoid that type of alone time. The participants were also encouraged to share their experiences associated with the term they were assigned. The results revealed significant differences among the terms, with “isolation” being the less desirable and “me-time” being the most sought after, given that the latter time is implied and associated with other terms such as “self-care” and “relaxation” while “isolation” leaned more towards social exclusion.
What is good alone time versus unhealthy alone time?Photo credit: Canva
The second study had 145 undergrad students complete a survey measuring their baseline beliefs about alone time and its association with self-esteem, loneliness, and social support. They were then randomly placed into a 30-minute period of solitude framed either as “me-tme” or “isolation.” These sessions were in a self-selected location in which the participants weren’t allowed to use their phones or the internet, but could do non-social activities such as writing, reading, or drawing. After their solo session was completed, they rated their emotions and the experience, while describing the thoughts they had during their experience alone. They then reassessed the beliefs they had about alone time prior to the session. The results found that the participants who were told to have “me-time” had more positive feedback than the people who were told to have 30 minutes of “isolation,” even though there was no difference between the two in the study other than linguistics. Many of the “me-time” participants did the same activities during their alone time as the “isolated” participants, but there was still a difference in how they perceived their sessions.
So what does this mean? Many folks who spend a lot of time on their own might be wondering if it’s healthy for them, especially those who enjoy it. Knowing that the right labeling of their alone time could impact their outlook on it, but at the same time there are studies out there showing that living alone and lack of social interaction increases the risk of depression and dementia in adults. So positive or negative labeling aside, what is healthy “me-time” and unhealthy “isolation”?
Exercising by yourself could be good for your body and mind.Photo credit: Canva
Well, it kind of depends on the purpose of your alone time. There are benefits to it, such as taking moments of self-reflection and letting your brain defragment/decompress. “Healthy” alone time can include working out, reading, doing something creative like painting or sculpting, or spiritual practices like meditation or prayer.
In terms of “unhealthy” alone time, well, that depends. It’s not the same amount for everyone given the different reasons for alone time and a person’s personality. However, a general metric is that folks that spend over 75% of their time alone tend to be experiencing loneliness rather than enjoying or working in solitude. If you turn down an invitation from friends, ask yourself why. If its due to a lack of confidence or a negative self image, that’s different than turning it down because you’re “peopled out.” If you are experiencing heavy periods of alone time and find yourself spending it in bed, thinking negatively about it, or experiencing negative self-talk during it, just labeling it as “me-time” probably won’t remove those issues.
How you spend your alone time could indicate whether it is healthy.Photo credit: Canva
If you are indeed experiencing loneliness, you may want to reach out to friends and family to shake things up in your routine by scheduling a lunch or doing a needed errand together. If that doesn’t feel possible, many people consult a therapist or counselor that can help create a plan to reduce loneliness or find its root source. In short, it may be helpful to reflect upon what you’re experiencing when you’re by yourself to see if it's beneficial for you.
Whatever the case, the fact is that when it comes to feeling alone, you’re not alone.
Ladder leads out of darkness.Photo credit 
Woman's reflection in shadow.Photo credit 
Young woman frazzled.Photo credit 
Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.