His memory resets every 30 seconds. A look inside his 1990 diary shows what he never forgot.

In 1985, the life of British musicologist Clive Wearing changed forever. After contracting herpesviral encephalitis, a rare virus that attacked the memory-forming regions of his brain, Wearing was left with what is considered the most extreme case of amnesia ever recorded. For four decades, his life has been lived in a loop lasting between seven and 30 seconds.

Recently, a page from Wearing's diary dated January 13, 1990, surfaced online via Diaries of Note, offering a haunting and beautiful look into a mind that cannot retain the past. The diary is filled with entries made just minutes apart, each one declaring that he has just woken up for the very first time.

At 7:46 am, he wrote, “I am awake for the first time.” Just one minute later, at 7:47 am, he crossed that out and wrote again, “This illness has been like death till NOW. All senses work.” Because he cannot trust his own handwriting or remember writing the previous line, his diary is a chaotic map of scratched-out sentences and desperate attempts to grasp consciousness.

A Rare Neurological Intersection

Wearing’s condition is unique in the world of neurology because he suffers from both retrograde and anterograde amnesia simultaneously. According to Study.com, most patients only experience one form. Because he cannot retain any new information (anterograde) and has lost most of his past (retrograde), he lives in a perpetual state of confusion.

Currently residing in an assisted living facility, Wearing understands his immediate surroundings but has no idea how he arrived there. Tragically, while he knows he has children, he cannot remember their names or faces. He knows he was a musician, yet he cannot recall ever playing or hearing a single piece of music—though, remarkably, his muscle memory remains intact, allowing him to play the piano and conduct with the same brilliance he possessed before the illness.

The Bond That Defied Science

clive wearing, amnesia, memory loss, deborah wearing, herpesviral encephalitis, musicology, anterograde amnesia, neurology, diary of note, viral stories YouTube

While the virus destroyed his ability to form new memories, it failed to erase his connection to his wife, Deborah. Through decades of "restarting" his conscious mind, his first instinct upon seeing her is always one of pure joy and recognition.

Deborah has documented their life in her memoir, Forever Today: A Memoir Of Love And Amnesia. She describes their relationship as a “story of a marriage, of a bond that runs deeper than conscious thought.” According to Historic Flix, she has worked closely with the Amnesia Association to help the NHS develop better rehabilitation protocols for those with severe brain injuries.

clive wearing, amnesia, memory loss, deborah wearing, herpesviral encephalitis, musicology, anterograde amnesia, neurology, diary of note, viral stories YouTube

In an interview with The Guardian, Deborah shared a perspective that challenges our traditional understanding of the human brain. She explained that even when her husband was in his most acute state, his love for her remained the one constant.

“I realized that we are not just brain and processes. Clive had lost all that and yet he was still Clive,” she told the publication. “Even when he was at his worst... he still had that huge overwhelming love for me. That was what survived when everything else was taken away.”

clive wearing, amnesia, memory loss, deborah wearing, herpesviral encephalitis, musicology, anterograde amnesia, neurology, diary of note, viral stories YouTube

This article originally appeared two years ago.