By age 18, my knees hurt. I didn’t know why, and they didn’t hurt a lot, but they did hurt a bit most of the time. As someone who took a lot of dance classes and played my share of netball, it was annoying, but not something I thought much about. After all, I reckoned, bad knees run in my family. But by age 20, the pain had gone from a bit annoying to definitely annoying. I decided, for the first time, to see a doctor about it.


She was a brisk woman with close-cropped grey hair, who glanced at me and told me my knee pain was due to early-onset arthritis as a result of my being overweight. My blood tests were negative for rheumatoid arthritis — but that didn’t matter, she told me. The only way to stop my pain from getting worse was by losing weight. So with the resigned sigh of anyone who has grown up fat, I accepted my fate. I was arthritic, at 20.

By 22, things were worse. My knees had gone from hurting a bit most of the time to spontaneously collapsing in blinding pain while I was doing innocuous activities like walking down the street. I went back to the doctor — a different one, because I just saw whoever was available at the student clinic. He asked me about my pre-existing medical conditions. I explained that my arthritis was a result of being overweight. He looked at me incredulously. “That’s not a thing.” No one gets non-rheumatoid arthritis in their twenties as a result of being overweight, he explained.

Instead, he decided we should figure out exactly why my knees were spontaneously collapsing. He sent me for an MRI, and I had a consultation with a specialist surgeon. “Patellae chondromalacia,” the surgeon declared. He showed me the shadows on my scan, which indicated rough patches on my knee caps. It was probably hereditary, exacerbated by my weight.

“Ok,” I said. “So what can I do about it?”

“You’re just going to have to manage the pain,” he explained. “And once it gets to be too much, you’re going to need your knees replaced. And that will probably be before you’re 30.”

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]I had eight years before I turned 30. It felt a bit like a death sentence.[/quote]

Resigned, I accepted my diagnosis. I said goodbye to yoga and dance, which aggravated the condition, and started wondering about how much two new knees might cost, and how I’d get around on crutches. I had eight years before I turned 30. It felt a bit like a death sentence.

At 24, my new housemate decided she was joining our local gym, and in a moment of optimism, I decided to go with her. This gym offered a free short session with one of their personal trainers to help newbies learn the ropes. “I’ll put you with Hao,” the receptionist said. “He’s got a physio background; he’s good with injuries.”

Hao was intimidating — really tall, super buff, thick Chinese accent that was hard to understand at first. “It says here you’ve got an injury,” he told me. “What is it?”

“I’ve got patellae chondromalacia in both knees,” I replied. “It’s-“

“Oh that,” he said, interrupting me. “I can fix that.”

What?

Hao explained to me that what I had was a pretty standard sporting injury that is usually treated successfully using exercise — a fact that none of my doctors had mentioned. I’d probably injured myself as a result of all that dance and netball I did as a teenager, and it might have been exacerbated by my family history of dodgy knees. It’s normally caught early and treated early — it’s very rare for it to get to the point of causing knees to collapse, but that can happen in serious cases with no treatment. “Work with me for 10 sessions,” said Hao. “If you don’t notice a difference, I’ll give you your money back.”

Well, after 10 sessions I noticed a pretty significant difference. After six months, the pain that had plagued me for six years was entirely gone.

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]When doctors looked at me, they didn’t see a girl who danced, cycled, and played team sports. They saw a fat girl .[/quote]

I can’t help but think that there’s a whole lot of physical pain I could have avoided if any of the medical professionals I saw had considered the fact that I might have a sporting injury. And I can’t help but wonder if the reason they didn’t has to do with my weight.

When doctors looked at me, they didn’t see a girl who danced, cycled, and played team sports. They saw a fat girl — and they based their diagnosis on stereotypes about what that meant. I’m 29 now, and my knees no longer hurt. I don’t need to have them replaced — but if I’d listened to the weight-prejudiced opinions of my doctors, I might have.

This story is hardly unique.

Research shows that doctors have less respect for patients with higher body-mass indexes, which can lower the quality of care those patients receive. As one study put it:

“Many health care providers hold strong negative attitudes and stereotypes about people with obesity. There is considerable evidence that such attitudes influence person-perceptions, judgment, interpersonal behavior, and decision-making. These attitudes may impact the care they provide.”

Troublingly, many of the ideas that doctors have about fat patients aren’t even grounded in medical fact. Indeed, too often it’s forgotten that the science around weight loss and health isn’t all that settled. Does excess weight cause you to live a shorter life? Maybe, maybe not. Countless studies by BMI category have found that overweight people actually have lower rates of all-cause mortality than normal weight people.

Some researchers think that if you adjust for the increased risks caused by weight cycling (aka. yo-yo dieting) and dangerous weight-loss drugs, you’d find the same mortality rates for normal, overweight, and obese people — yes, even very obese people. And even without the adjustments, the increased risk for very obese people is only small — not the “you’ll be dead before you’re 30” nonsense often pedaled by purveyors of weight-loss surgeries.

What about serious disease? There’s certainly a correlation between being overweight and some diseases, but multiple studies suggest that the weight might actually be a symptom rather than a cause.

Then there’s the idea that excess tissue “strains” the body. Eminent obesity researcher Dr. Paul Ernsberger has been quoted as saying, “The idea that fat strains the heart has no scientific basis. As far as I can tell, the idea comes from diet books, not scientific books . . . Unfortunately, some doctors read diet books.”

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]So why, then, do doctors insist on prescribing diets and weight loss as a treatment for anything and everything?[/quote]

What about dieting? Well, there actually is some scientific consensus there :  Diets don’t lead to lasting weight loss—not even if you call them lifestyle changes. After an extensive metastudy of diet and weight loss studies, Dr Traci Mann concluded, “The benefits of dieting are simply too small and the potential harms of dieting are too large for it to be recommended as a safe and effective treatment for obesity.”

So why, then, do doctors insist on prescribing diets and weight loss as a treatment for anything and everything?

Sarah, 29 from Newcastle, Australia, had the misfortune of breaking both legs as a teenager, the result of a freak accident involving her legs falling asleep and then getting twisted to the point of breaking. Not long after learning how to walk again, she was involved in a serious car accident that left her with further damage to her legs. “I’m accident-prone,” she laughs. The multiple injuries have left Sarah with a build up of scar tissue that can make walking painful. But when she went to the doctor, her pain was blamed on her weight.

“My weight is a factor in the healing process,” she says, “But it wasn’t the cause of my injuries — and I’ve got police reports, x-rays, and specialist reports to prove it.”

Sarah changed doctors recently, and her new doctor decided to do a full medical history, checking the notes from all the physicians Sarah has seen. What she found shocked her. “She said there’s no record of my injuries with most of my previous doctors,” Sarah said. “They all had written that my leg pain was caused solely by my weight, and that meant I wasn’t getting any useful treatment for the pain. They just told me to diet.” Sarah’s new doctor promptly started her on a physical treatment plan designed for someone with compound injuries and severe internal scarring.

The difference has been immediate.

“Within two weeks I could walk nearly five kilometers. Before I started the treatment, I could only manage one kilometer or less before my knees were so swollen and painful that I couldn’t keep going,” said Sarah. “Getting actual treatment for my injuries, rather than just being told to lose weight and see what happens, has changed everything.”

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that eating healthily and exercising aren’t good for you. The problem is when doctors prescribe diets and weight loss to patients without fully considering their symptoms and other treatment options.

Stigmatization may also, problematically, stop fat people from seeking out medical care in the first place.

“I just don’t go to the doctor,” says Anita, a 28-year-old advertising executive. The last time Anita saw a doctor, it was a routine visit to discuss vaccinations and antimalarial medication for an upcoming overseas trip. The doctor prescribed the vaccines and asked a nurse to administer the jabs. It was the nurse who decided Anita had diabetes — without having spoken to her, or seeing anything pertaining to her medical history.

“He kept saying I would get a discount on the vaccines if I registered my diabetes,” Anita explained. “I haven’t got diabetes, but he wouldn’t listen. His whole attitude was like, ‘You know you’re fat, right?’ Um, yeah, I’ve noticed that, actually. Just give me the jabs.” The experience was pretty upsetting, and left Anita firmer in her resolve to avoid doctors wherever possible.

Still, Anita, Sarah, and I are relatively lucky; our experiences have caused us pain and humiliation, but no permanent damage. This is not true for everyone.

First Do No Harm is a website that chronicles the experiences of fat people with medical professionals — and it’s filled with harrowing stories.

One woman lost a lot of weight suddenly and was praised for it — with doctors missing the fact that it was a sign of the cancer that shortly killed her.

A man vomited constantly due to multiple sclerosis, but instead of viewing that as a medical red flag, doctors simply celebrated the 120-pound weight loss it caused. The vomiting led to permanent nerve damage, back pain, and tooth decay.

A woman had an emergency doctor declare that she didn’t need treatment for abdominal swelling after a serious car accident because she was just fat. She nearly died.

A woman went years just being told to lose weight to address her ongoing, multiple health problems. It turns out she has a rare neurological disorder; the diagnosis delay has led to permanent brain damage.

There’s another trove of awful stories on fat prejudice here. And of course Google’s got plenty more.

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]Hormonal problems? Lose weight. Broken finger? Lose weight. Migraines? Lose weight.[/quote]

A consistent narrative runs throughout these stories. Hormonal problems? Lose weight. Broken finger? Lose weight. Migraines? Lose weight. Losing weight is the consistent — sometimes only — treatment offered for every ailment imaginable.

For many, changing the narrative around weight is literally a matter of life or death. So what can be done to address the problem?

The good news is that there’s some recognition within the medical profession that this is a serious issue which must be addressed. It’s been noted that medical students don’t receive nearly enough training on obesity, and efforts are beginning to try to change that. Researchers are also working on empathy programs and raising awareness about the impact of implicit bias against patients. All of this is a promising start.

At the same time, we can all become our own health advocates. If you’re a fat person, or someone you care about is a fat person, you can develop your critical thinking skills and challenge the classic “just lose weight” prescription if it doesn’t seem to fit the symptoms.

This isn’t easy. There’s an implicit power imbalance between patient and doctor that makes challenging their statements very difficult. By working to become experts on our own health and our own situation, we stand a better chance of being able to call out something that doesn’t feel right.

Doctors are highly educated people, but they’re subject to the same biases as the rest of us, and many of them don’t stay up to date with the latest research. That’s not good enough. If obesity really is a major health concern, it’s essential that doctors stay educated on recent studies and metastudies that look at how to get the best outcomes for fat patients. If doctors really do care about their patients, they need to start looking at the overall picture of a person’s health, not simply the size of their body.

Most of all, doctors need to stop prescribing a treatment that’s proven not to work for conditions that don’t warrant that treatment in the first place.

The medical profession needs to step up. It needs to accept that diets aren’t the universal treatment option for fat people. It needs to accept that fatness isn’t the universal cause of ill health in fat people. It needs to engage with the very real damage caused by its attitudes toward fat people, and with the substandard care delivered to many people as a result of their size.

It’s not exaggerating to say that lives depend on it.

This piece is published in partnership with The Establishment.

  • Scientists discover how long it takes for the brain to alter and change during meditation
    Photo credit: CanvaMeditation's benefits can peak in the brain as quickly as seven minutes.

    Meditation has been a practice for thousands of years, as early as 5,000 to 3,500 BCE. While typically a spiritual practice, meditation has since become a method to enhance mental and physical wellness. Many use meditation to lower stress and anxiety to feel more calm and grounded. Some practitioners meditate for hours at a time to achieve this, but, according to recent scientific research, they may only need seven minutes.

    A study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences in Bengaluru, India found that while meditation can alter and change the brain over multiple sessions, it only takes around seven minutes for that mental change to peak per session.

    “Meditation research has traditionally compared broad states such as ‘rest’ versus ‘meditation,’ but we still know surprisingly little about when changes in the brain actually emerge after meditation begins,” said researcher Malipeddi Saketh to PsyPost. “Many people assume meditation effects require long sessions, yet little work has examined the moment-to-moment temporal dynamics of brain activity during meditation.”

    Studying the brain while it’s meditating

    For the study, Saketh and his colleagues separated 103 participants into three groups. The groups were separated by their meditation experience, from novices to regular practitioners. In a sound-proof room, they had the participants individually engage in a 15-minute breath-watching meditation. During these sessions, the researchers analyzed their brain activity at a rate of 1,000 measurements per second. They did this using a specialized net of 128 electrodes placed across the scalp. 

    The researchers also looked at a transitional band called theta-alpha, which ranges from 6 to 10 hertz. This band is said to reflect a calm, focused state when both alertness and relaxation overlap. This is in contrast to 8 to 12 hertz alpha waves, a state of relaxation in which a person is wide awake with their eyes closed.

    To track changes in brain activity over time, the researchers compared the data collected during successive one-minute segments against the baseline, which was the first 30 seconds of the meditation session. They also ran a separate analysis comparing a period of eyes-closed rest to the participant’s meditative state.

    The results were promising, especially for newbies to meditation. The researchers found that brain changes during meditation were found within the first two to three minutes. They also found that regardless of experience, these brain changes peaked in intensity within the first seven to ten minutes. This means someone could get the benefits of meditation in less time than it takes to watch a YouTube video. 

    Effective meditation requires less time than previously thought

    “From a mental well-being perspective, this is encouraging because many people feel they lack sufficient time to meditate or believe they need to practice for very long durations to experience benefits,” Saketh noted. “Our findings suggest that even brief periods of intentional mental training may begin engaging brain processes related to attention and internal awareness.”

    This study means that even if you have little time in your schedule, you can benefit from meditation. According to the Mayo Clinic, meditation can help a person manage symptoms of a wide assortment of ailments. This can range from IBS to high blood pressure. In general, meditation is seen as a good practice for stress management.

    While there are several videos online and various venues for professional meditation sessions, beginners don’t necessarily need those at the start. They may not even need them at all.

    Meditation tips for newbies

    Experts have a few tips to get begin meditating regularly. Set some time aside for meditation, either in the morning to get your day off to a good start or later in the evening to let go of the day’s tension. Meditate in a relaxing, distraction-free spot while seated in a comfortable, upright position. Then, with your eyes closed, focus on the words “breathe in” and “breathe out” as you do so. While you might peak at seven minutes like in the study, you might want to have a full 20-minute meditation session.

    If your mind wanders during your session, just acknowledge that it wandered and continue focused breathing. You may want to initially practice mindfulness as you begin your session. Notice what you are feeling, smelling, and what your other senses are engaged with.

    This practice can take time to master. Some professionals highlight best practices to help you find what’s most effective for you. It should also be noted that meditation is not a replacement for medical treatment. It’s best to consult your doctor and/or psychiatrist to see if meditation can help you with specific needs.

    Meditation may or may not work for you. However, based on this study, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try for at least seven minutes.

  • Is rubbing your eyes bad for you? 2 eye specialists explain what’s behind the urge to rub and what to do about it
    Photo credit: klebercordeiro/iStock via Getty Images PlusEye rubbing may feel good, but it comes with risks.

    You know the feeling – the itchy eye that is just begging to be scratched.

    Before you start rubbing your eyes, you may want to think twice about the potential consequences.

    While eye rubbing may seem harmless, people who rub their eyes are at risk of infections or damage to their cornea.

    Fortunately, there are a number of common causes of itchy eyes that can be treated to reduce the urge to rub.

    We are a board-certified ophthalmologist and optometrist who provide comprehensive eye care.

    Itchy and irritated eyes are some of the most common reasons that patients visit eye doctors. We have experience in treating the causes of eye rubbing and the consequences, which can require specialized contact lenses or corneal transplantation.

    Causes of eye rubbing

    Rubbing your eyes is often a reaction that occurs when your eyes feel uncomfortable or itchy.

    The most common reason for that itchy sensation is allergic conjunctivitis, which accounts for nearly 50% of itching cases. Allergic conjunctivitis is an inflammatory reaction of the conjunctiva, the clear skin on the surface of the eye. Allergens bind to the surface of cells, ultimately leading to the release of inflammatory chemical molecules that trigger the sensation of itching. People may experience redness, swelling and little bumps on the inside of the eyelids.

    Sometimes the urge to rub happens if there is a gritty sensation, dryness or something stuck in our eyes. This is often a symptom of dry eye syndrome, or blepharitis.

    The urge to rub the eyes can also occur because the eyelids feel itchy, often from other conditions such as dermatitis, which is an inflammation of the eyelid skin.

    Because of the anatomy of the eyelid and the thin outer layer, called the epidermis, it is more vulnerable to irritation from the environment or from contact lenses.

    Close-up of a human eye showing detailed iris, pupil and eyelashes.
    The outer layer of the eyelid, called the epidermis, is highly sensitive to environmental allergens and other irritants. Francesco Riccardo Iacomino/Moment via Getty Images

    Eye rubbing is a risk factor for corneal disease

    The most serious risk that has been associated with eye rubbing is the development of keratoconus, a condition in which the cornea – the clear window in the front of the eye – becomes progressively thinner and more irregular in shape.

    While healthy corneas have a more spherical shape, those with keratoconus become steeper and cone-shaped. Keratoconus often causes high degrees of irregular astigmatism, which is an imperfection in the curvature of the cornea that leads to blurry vision.

    Fortunately, keratoconus can now be treated with a procedure called corneal cross-linking, which can halt further progression in many cases. During this procedure, collagen strands are cross-linked together, strengthening the cornea. Many patients with keratoconus need specialized contact lenses to achieve optimal vision, even after treatment.

    In the most advanced cases, patients may need corneal transplantation to remove the damaged corneal tissue and replace it with healthy donor tissue.

    Other conditions associated with eye rubbing

    corneal abrasion is a scratch in the thin, clear skin that covers the cornea and can be triggered by aggressive eye rubbing or a fingernail that inadvertently touches the cornea. An abrasion is exquisitely painful and usually causes blurry vision. Corneal abrasions require treatment with antibiotics to prevent infection.

    Eye rubbing can also cause a subconjunctival hemorrhage. This occurs when rubbing breaks a small blood vessel on the surface of the eye and makes the eye appear very red. While it can look and feel alarming, a conjunctival hemorrhage is essentially a bruise on the surface of the eye and does not cause lasting damage. This condition typically resolves in one to two weeks without any intervention.

    Conjunctivitis, commonly known as pink eye, is an infection of the conjunctiva that can be spread by eye rubbing. It can be caused by viruses or bacteria. If you must touch your eyes, washing your hands first is a good practice to prevent the spread of infection. Viral forms of conjunctivitis are highly contagious, so you should be particularly careful about rubbing your eyes if you have had contact with someone with pink eye.

    Young adult woman applying eye drops.
    Eye drops can provide some relief from itchy eyes. milorad kravic/E+ via Getty Images

    Treatments for itchy eyes

    Most people rub their eyes without even realizing it. But there are ways to address underlying conditions that might trigger eye rubbing.

    Often, over-the-counter treatments and home remedies can be quite helpful. One treatment that helps address most underlying causes of the urge to itch is to use artificial tears. Pro-tip: Cooling them in the refrigerator helps too!

    In cases of allergic conjunctivitis, it’s important to try to avoid the allergen that triggers the symptoms. For example, if allergies are due to pollen, staying indoors, using sunglasses or rinsing off your face after exposure can help decrease allergen load around your eyes.

    The next option is to try over-the-counter artificial tears to rinse out the allergens. In general, it’s best to avoid the drops that advertise “get the red out,” which provide temporary relief but carry risks of side effects. Cool compresses can also provide some relief from itching, decreasing the urge to rub your eyes.

    If you still find no relief from the itch, the next step would be to try allergy eye drops, which are available with or without a prescription. There are topical treatments that are antihistamines, mast cell stabilizers or a combination of both. Antihistamine eye drops help block the release of histamines, a substance that the body releases after exposure to allergens. Mast cell stabilizers block the breakdown of mast cells – part of the body’s immune system – which helps reduce the release inflammatory chemicals. Combination eye drops help by targeting both mechanisms.

    Since there are many options available, it’s helpful to discuss with your eye doctor which one is the best for you. In cases where there are other symptoms of allergies, such as sneezing or a runny nose, an oral allergy medication could be effective for treating all these symptoms. If you have persistent symptoms, a prescription steroid eye drop can be helpful.

    If the urge to rub your eyes is not improving with artificial tears, cool compresses or over-the-counter allergy eye drops, it’s time to schedule an appointment with your eye doctor for an evaluation.

    This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

  • Therapist shares 5 ways to be ‘less annoying’ in conversations and it’s a must-watch
    Photo credit: CanvaTwo women having an enjoyable conversation.
    ,

    Therapist shares 5 ways to be ‘less annoying’ in conversations and it’s a must-watch

    None of these habits are malicious. But they sure are annoying.

    Most people think they come across as helpful, engaged, and supportive in conversations. But according to one therapist, these talking habits may be sending a very different message than intended.

    Jeffery, a licensed therapist on TikTok, breaks down five common conversational mistakes people make that can come across as annoying. In the post, viewers didn’t just agree with the list. They began recognizing the same behaviors in friends, family, and even themselves.

    Making the conversation about yourself

    People can mistake sharing personal experiences for the perfect way to show empathy and compassion. It begins innocently enough when someone opens up about something personal. Unfortunately, the listener responds with a story of their own. Both people are trying to connect, but the focus has now completely shifted.

    “When someone constantly redirects conversations back to themselves, people start feeling unimportant,” Jeffery explains. “When every story somehow becomes about you, people stop feeling listened to and start feeling dismissed.”

    A 2023 experiment suggested that reciprocal disclosure increases interpersonal trust. However, an imbalance in the conversation can create feelings of one-sidedness. This “stealing of the spotlight” reduces connection.

    defensive conversation, psychological defensiveness, misunderstanding, negative behavior
    An unhappy couple gets defensive.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Getting super defensive

    Few things shut down a conversation faster than defensiveness. Even simple misunderstandings can turn tense when people instinctively try to correct rather than understand.

    “If every single piece of feedback turns into an excuse or an argument, people eventually stop being honest with you,” Jeffery points out. “Constructive feedback and even some criticism is not always an attack. Sometimes people are simply trying to improve the relationship or communicate something important to you.”

    Psychologists describe this behavior as “psychological defensiveness.” Interestingly, a 2024 study found that defensiveness can be reduced if people are warned beforehand in the right way. Conversation works best when it is framed as a collaborative effort rather than an educational or teaching moment.

    polygraph, apology, interrogation, Marcus Aurelius
    A woman receives a polygraph test.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Drilling people after they apologize

    There is a delicate balance between asking for clarity after an apology and turning the conversation into an interrogation.

    “If someone apologizes and you accept it, but then you keep hammering them over the mistake afterward, it will become exhausting and very annoying,” Jeffery adds. “If people feel like apologizing never actually ends the conflict, they actually become less likely to take accountability in the future.”

    People often mistake feedback for a personal attack on their own truth. There’s a popular statement often attributed to Marcus Aurelius claiming that much of what we perceive is shaped by interpretation rather than fact. People can share their opinions. We don’t have to defend ourselves against all of them.

    Stop constantly complaining

    Everyone deserves an opportunity to vent. But when every conversation circles back to frustration without change, it can become emotionally exhausting for the listener. Over time, even the most supportive friends can start to pull back.

    “Talking about problems is normal,” says Jeffery. “But if almost every interaction revolves around negativity, people start associating you with emotional exhaustion. Nobody wants to leave conversations feeling drained every single time.”

    This pattern of constant, dissatisfied venting has even found its way into pop culture. Maybe you remember the infamous George Costanza from the award-winning show Seinfeld. His nonstop stream of complaints was a running joke about negativity. It’s fun to watch and laugh at, but far less enjoyable to encounter in real life.

    negative emotions, conversational balance, validation, comparison
    A conversation turns to comparison.
    Photo credit: Canva

    One-upping people’s negative emotions

    Sometimes, someone takes a risk and shares a particularly challenging experience. In an attempt to show empathy, saying “I get it” might land more like “that’s not a big deal.” It’s important to offer emotional validation rather than comparison.

    “If someone opens up about something painful and your immediate reaction is to explain how you had it worse, it can make the other person feel completely invalidated,” Jeffery says. “They just want to feel heard and emotionally supported in that moment.”

    A 2023 study revealed that someone trying to relate can sometimes redirect attention away from the original speaker. People feel more supported when their emotions are directly acknowledged instead of reframed or one-upped.

    self-reflection, comment section, familiar conversations, behaviors
    A woman reflected in mirrors.
    Photo credit: Canva

    The comments quickly turn to self-reflection

    Many people said Jeffrey’s list felt immediately familiar, whether in conversations with friends or in their own behavior. These annoying habits became surprisingly relatable once someone pointed them out. Here are some of those thoughts:

    “silently reposting this for one of my friends to find”

    “The first one has ended relationships for me, not because I do it, but because they did it. It’s absolutely exhausting.”

    “I know one of my friends are gonna tag me in this later”

    “I’ve noticed over the years that my annoying personality will surface when I’m trying to protect myself..”

    “I have such a hard time with #1 and I am so aware of it sometimes but I find it so difficult to not do when talking to someone.”

    “I do all of these maybe I should go back to therapy”

    What might be surprising is that many of these habits are things people slip into without realizing it. Jeffrey’s list doesn’t suggest people are intentionally difficult. He points out that annoying conversations can arise from good intentions, too. Allowing a person to be heard can matter more than offering advice that might fix the problem.

Explore More Health Stories

Health

Is rubbing your eyes bad for you? 2 eye specialists explain what’s behind the urge to rub and what to do about it

Well-being

Therapist shares 5 ways to be ‘less annoying’ in conversations and it’s a must-watch

Health

More women are rejecting ‘optimization culture’ for realistic wellness plans

Health

Is baby talk bad? Why ‘parentese’ actually helps babies learn language