As we grow, it's common for kids to say, "I can't wait until I am older," and then it transforms into, "Youth is wasted on the young." Many of us tend to think nostalgically of the past or hope for a better future, often at the expense of the present. This dissatisfaction is common and normal, but can often get in the way of enjoying life by either waiting for the "best stage" of their life that is still to come or wondering if the best stage has already come and gone. One psychologist believes that the best stage in life can happen in the here and now.
Spanish psychologist and author Rafael Santandreu argues that the "best stage" of a person's life, barring certain circumstances, isn't a specific age range or moment of accomplishment. Instead, it begins when a person shifts their mindset away from complaint.
@arthurcbrooks Gratitude isn’t just for good days. True masters of gratitude wake up and say: “I’m thankful for the good—and the bad.” Because they know something powerful: The hard stuff becomes the growth stuff. Pain turns into strength—if you let it.
"The best stage of a person's life is when they start thinking in the right way, stop complaining and begin to value the incredible, almost magical things around them at every moment," said Santandreu in a social media post.
To skeptics, the idea that a mere change in attitude and perspective can lead to a better life sounds like a stretch or a New Age concept. However, a scientific study backs up the idea that switching to a gratitude mindset not only impacts your overall happiness and outlook but also alters your brain physically.
@alignbestself From The Rob Dial Show — backed by neuroscience 🧠 Science shows that writing down 3 things you’re grateful for every day can literally rewire your brain. 💫 Within a few weeks, you’ll: 😴 Sleep better 🧘♀️ Lower stress 💪 Strengthen your immune system Here’s why — gratitude activates dopamine and serotonin, your brain’s happiness chemicals. When you train your mind to focus on what’s right, it stops obsessing over what’s wrong. Focus on your blessings — your brain becomes what it practices 🧡 #RobDial #Gratitude #Neuroscience #MindsetShift #PositiveThinking
Per the American Brain Foundation, practicing gratitude triggers neurotransmitters in the brain regions responsible for cognitive functions such as decision-making, emotional awareness, motivation, and higher-order thinking. Gratitude also impacts the brain’s limbic system and amygdala, helping to produce feel-good dopamine and reducing stressors that, in turn, improve cortisol levels, sleep, immune response, and digestion. In other words, practicing gratitude can make you calmer, help you eat better, and help you sleep better, in addition to its feel-good mental effects.
It's not easy and there is likely plenty to complain about in life, however there are some ways to get yourself into a gratitude mindset to reap those benefits. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a few ideas. They recommend starting a gratitude journal to write down all the things, big or small, that you're grateful for, whether it's the people in your life or simply the taste of your favorite food. Another way is to write letters, make phone calls, or do favors for the people you're grateful for, and to share with them why their presence in your life matters to you. There are other simple ways to shift your mind toward gratitude that a licensed therapist can recommend to you as well.
- YouTube youtu.be
Problems will exist regardless of your mental attitude. However, mindfully focusing on things like how pretty flowers look, how delicious pasta tastes, and the people you're lucky to have in your life can bring a sense of gratitude and happiness whether you're four, forty, or 400 years old. A slight change of perspective could be all you need to make the best stage of life your present from now on.
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Will your current friends still be with you after seven years?
Professor shares how many years a friendship must last before it'll become lifelong
Think of your best friend. How long have you known them? Growing up, children make friends and say they’ll be best friends forever. That’s where “BFF” came from, for crying out loud. But is the concept of the lifelong friend real? If so, how many years of friendship will have to bloom before a friendship goes the distance? Well, a Dutch study may have the answer to that last question.
Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his team in the Netherlands did extensive research on friendships and made some interesting findings in his surveys and studies. Mollenhorst found that over half of your friendships will “shed” within seven years. However, the relationships that go past the seven-year mark tend to last. This led to the prevailing theory that most friendships lasting more than seven years would endure throughout a person’s lifetime.
In Mollenhorst’s findings, lifelong friendships seem to come down to one thing: reciprocal effort. The primary reason so many friendships form and fade within seven-year cycles has much to do with a person’s ages and life stages. A lot of people lose touch with elementary and high school friends because so many leave home to attend college. Work friends change when someone gets promoted or finds a better job in a different state. Some friends get married and have children, reducing one-on-one time together, and thus a friendship fades. It’s easy to lose friends, but naturally harder to keep them when you’re no longer in proximity.
Some people on Reddit even wonder if lifelong friendships are actually real or just a romanticized thought nowadays. However, older commenters showed that lifelong friendship is still possible:
“I met my friend on the first day of kindergarten. Maybe not the very first day, but within the first week. We were texting each other stupid memes just yesterday. This year we’ll both celebrate our 58th birthdays.”
“My oldest friend and I met when she was just 5 and I was 9. Next-door neighbors. We're now both over 60 and still talk weekly and visit at least twice a year.”
“I’m 55. I’ve just spent a weekend with friends I met 24 and 32 years ago respectively. I’m also still in touch with my penpal in the States. I was 15 when we started writing to each other.”
“My friends (3 of them) go back to my college days in my 20’s that I still talk to a minimum of once a week. I'm in my early 60s now.”
“We ebb and flow. Sometimes many years will pass as we go through different things and phases. Nobody gets buttsore if we aren’t in touch all the time. In our 50s we don’t try and argue or be petty like we did before. But I love them. I don’t need a weekly lunch to know that. I could make a call right now if I needed something. Same with them.”
Maintaining a friendship for life is never guaranteed, but there are ways, psychotherapists say, that can make a friendship last. It’s not easy, but for a friendship to last, both participants need to make room for patience and place greater weight on their similarities than on the differences that may develop over time. Along with that, it’s helpful to be tolerant of large distances and gaps of time between visits, too. It’s not easy, and it requires both people involved to be equally invested to keep the friendship alive and from becoming stagnant.
As tough as it sounds, it is still possible. You may be a fortunate person who can name several friends you’ve kept for over seven years or over seventy years. But if you’re not, every new friendship you make has the same chance and potential of being lifelong.